would like to share with you some of my major spiritual
experiences and my intent stemming from these experiences.
I was wounded in Vietnam in 1969 and became alcoholic. I
drank until entering AA in 1976. After 3 months in AA, in
desperation I fell to my knees beside my bed, lowered my
head and said, "God help," and surrendered. I had the image
of my head in a guillotine and said, "yes - go ahead." Then
the room lit up with a ball of Light and Love. Peace and
Love flowed over me. I was forgiven and was loved in spite
of my past, present, or even future actions.
The next major experience occurred in 1983 after working
the 12-step program for 7 years and sitting in zazen (Zen
meditation) for about 10 months. The first month, after
I started sitting in zazen, I began feeling this pressure
or energy mass across the bridge of my nose. I raised and
maintained this energy for 9 months and then on June 22,
1983 it became very strong and I started moving through
a tunnel of clouds as this energy pierced through my forehead.
My old ego was left behind as I merged into the "Ocean of
Love and Light." I was the "All Compassionate One" and realized
there is no birth or death; cause and effect; or time and
space: that all form (material world) is a "thought" in
the consciousness of One that is being continually thought
which gives the "impression" of time and space-cause and
effect - it's all an "Illusion." Then, as if I turned my
face, I looked back on form and saw suffering. I was moved
out of that Great Compassion to return to the world to end
this suffering. Upon returning, my old self had died and
a spiritual self seemed to have taken its place. I did not
recognize or have any emotional attachment for my wife or
son at this point as being "my" family, but had the memory
of what Duane's life and past had been like and now I was
playing the role for him while I helped others to become
enlightened (My new "self" was not alcoholic and I left
AA in 1986).
After some time, unsuccessfully, trying to get Duane's (my)
wife interested in spiritual things and being unable to
express the Truth to most people so that they could understand,
I gave up and decided just to die. I went into deep meditation
to re-enter the Light and to remain there. But instead of
entering the Light, I came upon a wall of light. It was
like a translucent bathroom window (you could see light
behind it but couldn't see through it). I held my "attention"
against the wall and there was a surge of energy as I tore
or passed through the wall into a Utopia. It was so beautiful.
Everything gave off Love and Glory. The colors were so vivid
and things seemed much more real than this world. Movement
could be done by thought or gliding. The animals had intelligence
and we communicated through thought and shared an unattached
Love. The utopia was of my own creation. The gross separation
between the material things and myself was gone. I was one
with a creation of my own making that I was now living and
walking in. I went down this pebbled road and stopped to
examine a pebble. Even the small pebble was more beautiful
than anything I had ever seen. It was like it emitted Glory
and Love. Then I passed a blue lake and pine grove and went
up to a house. I went into the house and up to the second
floor where I entered a white bedroom. It had large windows
across one entire wall looking out over a beautiful landscape.
I recognized the bedroom to be my own bedroom and that I
could stay if I wanted to. At that moment, I thought of
my wife and son and started to lose consciousness, falling
out of that form through several dark dream-type states
until I was back in this form with my family. I returned
to this world because of my "attachment" to my wife and
responsibilities to my son (After the experience, I found
that the "Wall of Light" checks out with a verse I found
in Genesis 3-24: The "Flaming Swords" at the entrance to
the "Tree of Eternal Life").
Once again, I unsuccessfully attempted to get my wife or
many other people interested in spiritual matters, and eventually
I gave up again. I was having little or no effect here in
ending the suffering of this form and my life was unhappy.
So, I decided to go back into my spiritual world and stay
there. I went back into a death meditation and came upon
the wall of light again. I passed through the wall into
the same Utopia as before. But as before, with the exception
of animals, I was alone. It was like Adam before Eve. While
in this Utopia, I became aware that I didn't have to remain
tied to my earthly wife since she wasn't "truly" interested
in a spiritual life. She wasn't willing to let go of her
earthly life and attachments here, or to even turn the TV
off once in awhile. But my experiences indicated that I
needed a spiritual companion. I was certain that this Utopian
World would always be there for me, so I made the decision
and returned to this world to find a spiritual mate to join
me in the afterlife.
Many years-still waiting & watching....
LITS (Love In The Spirit)
Duane G. Beitmen
reply: Dear Duane, Your experiences with meditation
sound intriguing to say the least. I personally don't know
much about meditation mostly because I don't practice it
anymore even though my psychiatrist suggested it. And your
experiences also show how, like dreams or NDEs, we can experience
the afterlife through meditation as well. Buddhism emphasizes
how meditating on the light will help you attain "liberation"
from the cycle of reincarnation. There are many aspects
to Buddhism, especially Tibetan Buddhism, which has strong
correlations with the NDE. This suggests that the ancient
lamas of Tibet figured it all out about the afterlife through
their dedicated meditation rituals. Also, Tibet has a long
recorded history of Tibetans who had NDEs (called "delogs")
which validated what they teach in their Book of the Dead.
The West can learn a lot of Buddhism. I read one scholar
comment that Tibetan Buddhism is a religion of the mind.
I agree with this. And the mind is the realm of the afterlife.
That is, the "heart" and "mind". Because of my years of
battling manic depression and mental illness, I have learned
how it is sometimes best to trust your "heart" (emotions,
gut feeling, intuition) instead of your "mind" (logic, rationalizations).
When I find it difficult to trust my "mind", I can always
trust my "heart". It rarely lets me down. But I suppose
the nature of soul (spiritual) growth is to learn to make
our "mind" (light) become one with our "heart" (love). Becoming
the light of love is what the NDE is all about.
Peace and Light, Kevin Williams
"God listens not to
your words save when he utters them through your
lips." - Kahlil Gibran