blinkstar.gif (494 bytes) Deborah Walker

As a child I had fairly bad and frequent episodes of asthma, which finally went into remission but returned when I was 42. I have vague memories of the following:

I remember coming into being in some kind of apparatus where centrifugal force of some kind was involved. I was in this apparatus with other presences and as I struggled to "breath," the apparatus was stopped, a kind of top was opened, and we were allowed to emerge. I was the only presence struggling to breathe and the last one, as if great resistance were involved, to come into being-ness which might be compared to an awakening.

I have definite and clear memories of the following:

I remember being a presence in a nothingness among other presences. There was a head presence, whom later would lovingly encourage me to be born into the physical world, an idea that was completely alien and extremely uncomfortable to me. 

I remember feeling extremely secure and comfortable in this nothingness among these other presences. When I was lovingly encouraged to go into the physical world, I remember strongly protesting and threatening (communication was mental) to withdraw if I did not like it there. 

I remembered being allowed to "visit" my earthly parents before being born and did so but from a far distance. There was no understanding of what I was viewing and often have contemplated the purpose of such a visit. A strong pulling sensation radiated from my mother. I had no understanding of such sensation. 

(My mother is very possessive of her loved ones and now I contribute that pulling sensation to her possessiveness)

The next thing I remembered is a being, not a presence, as this being could be "seen" (I perceived this being to be a male) was helping me into a body. There was this loud and annoying churning and slushing noise all around, which was not a pleasant sound. I did not like entering this lump of soft, mushy feeling flesh and protested about this ordeal. I am uncertain as to what stage of growth. I was entering the body (before birth or immediately thereafter). I do remember having great concern of not knowing how to control the bowels and this being (who I now believe is my guardian angel) assured me that I would learn how to control the bowel function.

Note: Last year I had a full body CAT scan and my doctor told me I had the most perfect intestines ever seen. When I was told this, I immediately thought of my pre-birth or immediately thereafter concern of controlling the bowel function.

My next memories are of laying in a room, which seemed like forever, so bored for such long periods that I seriously considered withdrawing from the body and permanently severing the connection. For some reason unbeknown to me at that time, I hung on. 

As an adult I learned that during that time frame (which was the first three months of my physical life) my sister had a serious communicable illness and our house had been quarantined by the Health Department. My father had to leave the house or quit his job. Since he needed his job, he moved in with his parents, and so my very young mother was left alone to care for a sick child and a newborn. Out of grave concern for my health and my life, my mother put me in a separate room with the door closed for approximately three months. The only times I was held or handled was for feedings, diaper changes, and baths, but no other stimulation was provided as it was afraid I would catch and come down with the same illness as my sister and die because I was so young.

I do remember once a friend of my mother's snuck into the house (breaking the quarantine rules) and took me to her sister's house. Although no harm was done to me, it greatly frightened me to be taken away and held by a "stranger." To this day, I refuse to hold an infant unless I know I will be around that child for many years.

I tried telling my mother about my memories years ago and she thought I needed professional help and that I had an out of control imagination, even though I was able to accurately describe her friend's hairdo, the type of earrings her friend wore that day that she had taken me from the house, and the color of the top of her sun dress she had worn. My mother felt it all coincidental. 

I would like to add that I do not believe in reincarnation and have no memories of past earthly lives. I have wondered if I could be, simply put, a new soul. My guardian angel has made his presence known to me through some extremely difficult and unusual events in my life, and, in addition, has confirmed that for me it has or is "once upon this Earth." 

Throughout most of my life, I have been considered by some to be emotionally detached or able to easily pull away very fast from heavy emotional involvements. When I was ten years old, I started a poem which I entitled "To This World I Do Not Belong." Now 51 years later, I am working to complete it before I return from whence I came. Although I am no longer involved in organized religion, I deeply love God and feel highly spiritual, and definitely believe in a life after this earthly experience, to where I am not convinced that I want to return. 

 

"No heaven can come to us unless our hearts find rest in it today." - Fra Giovanni

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