Seeing For the First Time
experience was unusual in the sense that my soul, initially,
neither separated from my body, nor was I sick or dead.
I believe at some point I separated, but I don't know when
or where. I have also come to believe that this experience
was intended - or that he may have wanted to see me. I was
a single-parent at the time, working as an engineer in the
science field. I was just out of school, starting over,
and worried about making ends meet and being a good parent.
My head was in science, and I believed everything could
be explained, eventually, through science. And since I had
never seen God, I couldn't imagine how he could exist. It
made no sense; it didn't seem logical.
an average work night, as I finished cleaning up the house
and getting ready for bed. I remember shutting off the lights
and entering my bedroom, shutting the door behind me. My
toddler had fallen asleep in my bed. I got into bed and
looked over at her, pulling the covers up around her shoulders.
I went to lay down, then suddenly changed my mine. I didn't
know why, but I sat up, feeling the urge to get out of bed.
It struck me odd, wondering where I was going, although
the feeling was overwhelming. It was as though my body took
control over my brain, as I swiftly got out of bed, heading
for the door, baffled.
the door and immediately gasped, doing a double take, as
I stood in shock, breathless, and overwhelmed. My hallway
was gone. The entire house for that matter had disappeared,
replaced with a football size field. I was literally outside.
I could even feel the night air on my cheeks. I just couldn't
imagine how any of this could be possible. I was awake,
in my pajamas, standing in my bedroom doorway overlooking
a field. It just didn't seem possible. I couldn't imagine
there could ever be a sound explanation. I imagined I would
have heard a tornado or an explosion - it was unbelievable.
Except for my bedroom, the rest of the house was missing;
it just vanished - poof, gone.
overwhelmed, yet determined, I actually tried to rationalize
it all, trying to come up with some sound explanation as
to how this could be possible. I looked back at my daughter,
still sleeping soundly. This was an important moment, because
when I looked back on her, there was no one else in the
bed. I was awake and this was really happening. For reasons
unknown, I was overcome with the feeling that I had a choice.
It was mine to make. And it was in my mind. I could walk
out into the field or I could go back into my room, shut
the door, and go back to sleep. Tomorrow, I would remember
this all as some kind of odd dream, due to an unusual movie
I saw, or perhaps something I ate. But I also knew somehow
that whatever decision I made, there was no turning back.
the field. It was who I was - I had to see. Despite what
possibly could lie ahead, my determination to get to the
bottom of it, to make sense of it all, along with natural
curiosity, got the best of me. I chose to examine the situation,
despite any dangers or provocations. My inability to explain
what was happening overpowered any fear I might have had.
I checked on my daughter one more time, and I somehow knew
that she would be safe. Then I quietly shut the door. I
had hoped I had made the right decision. I began to walk
out into the field. The night was beautiful, lots of stars
and the moon offered some light. This would help since I
did not recognize where I was.
As I continued
to walk, I saw movement ahead. When I got closer, I could
see there were people in the field ahead. I felt relieved.
Finally, I could get some answers. I moved swiftly, directly
toward them. As I approached the group, I realized how large
it was. There were so many people of all ages. No one appeared
to be talking; instead, they were pacing about, as if they
were anticipating something or someone. They seemed to be
in such deep thought, and I hesitated to interrupt them.
But I felt I had no choice.
an elderly man, first. He was tall, over 6', with white
hair and a lean physique. I guessed he was over 65 years
old. I approached him, speaking clearly. I asked him what
was going on, what was happening. His eyes never met my
own, as he ignored my questions. He walked swiftly by me,
rejoined the group, and continued to pace with the others.
taken back by his behavior. I initially thought he was rude,
or perhaps he simply had not heard me. I wondered then,
if he could hear me or even if he saw me. He seemed to look
right through me. I was beginning to become frustrated,
though I wanted to give him the benefit of the doubt, so
I decided to approach another. I chose a woman with two
young kids, a boy, and girl, all three were blonde and blue-eyed.
The woman held their hands, keeping them close to her. I
assumed they were her children. Her pace was quicker than
the old man's. Feeling that I had no choice, I quickly stepped
in front of her, cutting off her pace, forcing her to stop
abruptly. I now knew they could see me, since she looked
directly into my eyes, angry that I had interrupted them.
I could sense she thought I was rude. Again, I asked if
she could please tell me what was happening. She looked
back at me annoyed and as though I was an idiot. It then
dawned on me that everyone seemed to not know what was going
on, but me. After observing the others, it was apparent
that I was the only one who had no clue or idea of what
was about to happen. It was as though I had wondered in
on something I was not supposed to be apart of.
were hurt, as I stepped back slowly, embarrassed, feeling
very much alone. She gently lifted her hands, each clasped
around one of the children's, moving pass me. She continued
pacing, eventually becoming lost in the large crowd. Frustrated,
I decided it wasn't the time to start feeling sorry for
myself, and I needed to come up with another plan. I thought
for awhile, as I continued to watch the crowd pace. I decided
since they all seemed to know what was happening, I would
just lay low and wait. I would watch their movements, and
I would wait with them for whatever was about to happen.
I would just stay quiet and observe. Since I had nowhere
to go, I thought this was as good as any plan.
crowd stopped pacing. The group moved closer to one another
and stood quiet and still, peering upward. I joined them,
examining their faces. Something was about to happen. My
own anticipation began to grow. For what, I neither knew,
nor could I have ever guessed. Things were about to become
even more extraordinary, if that was possible.
the group, including myself, slowly began to lift off the
ground. I immediately gasped, terrified, my feet hovered
about a foot above ground level. They were no longer touching
the field below. I wondered how this could be. I wondered
what kind of trick this was. Then before I could scream,
we began to ascend quickly, higher, and higher into the
night sky at a rapid speed. I was frozen with fear, wondering
what had a hold of me (since the last time I checked, humans
can't fly). I soon realized that nothing had me, and that
it was I, along with the group, physically ascending toward
I peered down to see the top of my home then my entire town
getting smaller, until finally disappearing in the clouds.
As we began to pass through clouds and ascend higher, I
began to see stars. We passed them, including constellations.
It was all so incredible, yet magnificent. I began to accept
that this situation was totally out of my control and there
was no sense in being frightened. So, I might as well relax,
if that was possible.
I relaxed, the better it all seemed to go. I noticed a warm,
gentle breeze that passed through my clothes, as we continued
to climb higher up into the night sky. I lifted my arms,
allowing the breeze to touch every part of me. I smiled
for the first time, and I was no longer afraid. It left
me feeling peaceful and at ease. It struck me odd. I came
to the assumption that we were obviously high in space,
yet the air was warm, not cold and frigid. After everything
that had happened up until now, I found myself still trying
to make sense of it all. It was truly ridiculous at this
point. I was clearly awake and experiencing something of
enormous proportions. Unknown as to why, but I had entered
into an unexplained realm. I knew when it came to the sciences,
there was still so much we could not explain. This clearly
was one of them. And I was privilege to be a witness.
to an abrupt stop. My feet touched ground. I was relieved
and thankful. I looked down to examine the surface that
I stood on. A cloudy mist hovered at my feet. I couldn't
seem to brush it away to see what lie beneath it. I gave
up trying and looked at the crowd to see what followed next.
Then the entire group turned around, facing the other direction.
I followed their lead. What appeared to be a large screen
was in front of us. Immediately, images began to appear
as though in fast-forward mode.
was able to absorb and understand all of it, despite the
speed in which the pictures were displayed. I realized the
images being shown were the explanations concerning the
how's and why's of the meaning of life. I remember feeling
happily overwhelmed, realizing that it all made sense and
that it had always been so simple. So simple, yet as humans,
we never get it.
finished, as the crowd, again, turned to face the opposite
direction. They began to form a line. I followed, falling
in line with them. I wondered what the line was for. There
was a tall man in front of me and I was unable to see over
him. I strained to peer around the side of him, trying to
see what was at the top of the line. Each person was taking
a turn, confronting something, but I didn't know what or
then that I noticed an incredible, brilliant, white light
at the end of this line. I write 'incredible' because I
notice the light being so intensely bright and dynamic,
yet it did not hurt the eyes to look directly into it. Although
I did not understand why, I found the light to be amazing,
and it seemed to fill me with joy and warmth. I became excited
and filled with anticipation to make it to the front of
the line. I couldn't wait until it was my turn. Finally,
the gentleman in front of me moved away. It was now my turn;
I was at the front of the line. Anxious, my eyes focused
right away on what was at the center of this light. The
light came from and was because of this being.
I fell to my knees covering my head and eyes with my arms
tightly. My eyes filled. Then the tears began to fall uncontrollably,
yet I was filled with such joy. They were tears of happiness.
I had remembered. I knew this being in front of me. It all
had returned to my memory, and I knew I was not worthy to
be in his presence, let alone to look upon his face. To
some, I might have appeared pathetic all scrunch up in a
ball, hiding my eyes and head with my own arms. But to me,
I couldn't imagine ever feeling such utter joy. It was an
honor to be at his feet, and I just couldn't seem to be
low enough, before him. The love and respect I had for this
being was unlike anyone I had ever known.
spoke to me. Not with the mouth, but through telepathy,
and I understood everything clearly. When he gave me permission
to look upon his face, I simply could not believe it. I
knew it was such a great honor, probably one that I did
not deserve. Yet, I was so happy, so excited, I kissed his
sandaled feet gratefully.
peered up at him, as I immediately reached an even higher
level of utter joy. My tears of happiness ran down my cheeks
like a faucet. I imagined this joy I felt was unlike anything
us humans could ever feel on Earth. One could take their
most happiness moment ever experienced then times it by
10 or 100 or maybe 1000 or more. I don't even know for sure,
but the feeling was extraordinary. I knew this being. I
had remembered, and I knew I would never forget from this
night on. He was, indeed, God. Not only was he real, but
so was Heaven. Both existed. And for whatever reason, I
was privileged to see and become witness to it.
got down to business. He asked me what my problem was. I
initially thought this was an odd question for God to ask,
although he was not going to let me get away with that thought
for too long. I knew exactly what he meant, and became very
embarrassed and ashamed. And to make things worse, I knew
I had to fess up to him. I told him I was worried about
money, making ends meet. He asked me if I now knew how irrelevant
that all was. Lowering my head, too embarrassed to look
him in the eyes, I shook my head in agreement.
said there was something he wanted me to see. It was my
life up until then. Another film began to play, again, in
fast-forward mode. This time it was personal; it was my
life being shown to me from birth. It was amazing as I recalled
times that had passed. I also saw times in which I had not
made good decisions. The shame overwhelmed me, as I dropped
my head, hiding my eyes from him. He placed his hand on
my shoulders and gave a squeeze in comfort. I looked up
at him and realized he had forgiven me of all my sins. He
truly loved me unconditionally, and it was true that his
forgiveness was merciful. I felt unworthy. And it was the
first real time in my life that I understood humility. He
had taught me what it really meant.
me that it was time to return. I immediately pleaded with
him not to send me back. I wanted to stay with him, as I
begged him shamefully. He helped me up and said that I must
return. He explained there would be a time in which my daughter
would need me, when no other could help her. But as much
as I loved her, I somehow knew she would be all right. I
knew that this place was truly home; it was where we all
returned, and so would she. But he insisted and offered
to take me back himself.
gave me news that was even more disappointing. He told me
that the imagines I saw on the screen and the image of his
face would be removed from my memory. Not wanting to be
disrespectful, but out of desperation, I grabbed onto his
arm and held tight. I pleaded with him not to remove the
image of his face from my memory - anything but that.
was wide and bright, as he took hold of my left arm, and
we began to drift downward. It was comforting and safe to
be with him, as we passed by stars in the night sky, drifting
through clouds. I eventually could see my town and the top
of my house.
through the roof, entering my bedroom. At the ceiling, I
noticed my daughter, still sleeping soundly. But then I
noticed something else; I noticed another body next to hers.
When we reach the floor, I realized it was my own. I was
completely confused. He gently lifted me, placing me back
into my body. I immediately jumped out of bed reaching for
him. But by now, his light was escaping through the window,
until finally completely gone. I sat on the edge of my bed,
still engulfed with such joy. I took hold of my head, saying
over and over again in my mind, I will not forget, I will
not forget. But no matter how hard I tried, the images I
had seen including his face, began to drain from my memory,
until I could no longer remember.
didn't seem to derail my emotions too much. Still excited
and overwhelmed, I was unable to sleep, as I quietly left
my room and went into the living room. I was relieved to
see all was back to normal, although, I knew it would be.
I looked at the clock, realizing it was about 2:30 AM, nearly
four and a half hours had passed since I first had gone
to my bedroom.
hard to go to work the next day. I had this big secret that
I had to keep to myself. I had to protect my family's privacy
and our livelihood. I somehow knew no one in the science
department would ever understand. After work, I went to
get my mail and found a check from the IRS for over $1000
of backed taxes they owed me from years ago. It was unexpected,
turned into years of secrecy and years of extraordinary
happenings. The more I rejected what was happening to me,
the more things seem to get thrown at me. It was like I
had no choice in the matter. For years, none of it made
sense until I began to put things together. I started to
remember the things that I had seen. Once when I was eating
dinner, I turned to a TV special on the Shroud. It was the
first time I had ever seen the image close up. I nearly
dropped my plate when the outline of the image took on a
type that needs multiple examples or multiple forms of proof.
It wasn't until 911 did I start understanding how to separate
dreams of importance from the others. And by that time,
I also had additional information from previous years and
their examples. I believe I've been asked three times to
do something for Jesus, and I now believe.
years ago, when I saw Mary in my dream, she warned me of
pending danger for my family. That same week, something
else happened. I was washing my hands at the sink, when
I noticed something shining on the floor. I approached the
two objects. There were two tiny (about 3 inches each) little
rainbows separated apart by about a foot and a half. They
were beautiful and perfect. I tried to figure out what was
making them. I got on my hands and knees and started to
cup the light from the window from them, but to no avail.
Nothing seemed to break the light image. I moved around,
trying from all angles, but I couldn't find the source causing
them. Finally, my heart fell when I realized the rainbows
were not coming from the window, but from the off-white
floor itself. But before I could recover from that piece
of info, I heard a voice through telepathy. It was male
telling me to come to the window and stand between the rainbows.
When I went to the window, light poured in and I could hardly
look out. The voice said that he was God and not to worry,
that he was with me. Then he told me that he wanted me to
write what I knew was the truth. Then it was over and the
rainbows disappeared. Afterwards, I rejected this; it was
all too much as I even tried to compromise with him. I just
couldn't accept it all - it was too much. I decided no one
would ever believe and I didn't want anything to do with
it. It all terrified me and I just felt I wasn't the person
for the job. I wanted it all to stop; I refused to believe.
second time came when I was placed under hypnosis. The doctor
asked me to ask Jesus what he wanted from me. Basically,
the same thing was said. And the third encounter came one
night when I was sick with pneumonia. A voice told me to
wake up, calling me by name. He said wake up, this is your
Lord, Jesus Christ - wake up and hear me now. So, naturally,
I woke up and heard him. Again, he told me I was some kind
of messenger and to write these things down. I asked him
if he was sure he had the right house and that I couldn't
imagine ever picking this, prior to birth. He laughed. He
told me of three signs that would come to pass. He told
me to memorize a prayer and that I couldn't go back to sleep
until I knew it (maybe it was the fever). It is the same
prayer I wrote for Lou's friend. So after all three signs
came to pass, because of the other two incidences, I'm thinking
there might be something to this, and I've decided to write
this stuff down here or I may never get peace - not that
I'm complaining. I didn't want to write a book or anything
for profit or exploitation, and at the same time, I wanted
to be able to protect my privacy. The majority of what has
happened to me is on this site. At this time, I believe
this is the best place for this information. This is a wonderful
site. Thanks to the administrator, and to those who come
with an open, objective mind, and kind heart. Again, in
the name of Jesus Christ, I give oath that all I have written
stems from what I have been witnessed to and experienced
- so help me God. I think this is what he wanted, and I
hope he's pleased. Again, thank you for being open-minded.
"The day will come, after
harnessing space, the winds, the tides and gravitation,
we shall harness for God the energies of love. On
that day, for the second time in the history of
the world, we shall have discovered fire."
- Tiehard de Chardin
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