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A Gay Man's Near-Death
Experience
Immediately after the impact from falling forward onto the metal grating,
I felt myself floating up, out of my body, and hovering above my body
and all the people who were watching it, and who seemed paralyzed by
shock and horror at what had happened. I think they pretty much assumed
that I was dead. I remember looking down and seeing my body
three-dimensionally for the first time. And it was such a shock, because
we never see ourselves except in a one-dimensional mirror reflection, or
a photograph. But I felt no pain at all; I felt completely whole and
free, and I thought, "This is who I really am."
I saw my physical body, all
crumpled and bloody and lifeless; and this enormous wave of compassion
washed over me and I wanted to tell all of the bystanders that
everything was going to be OK and not to be sad or alarmed.
Then suddenly I felt myself being pulled, literally at the speed of light,
farther from the physical Earth, and I saw all of the people on the
planet simultaneously in that one moment. I saw people in China and
Sweden and Uruguay; I saw people sleeping and dreaming; I saw people
preparing food in their homes and in restaurants; people traveling in
all manner of transportation, to and from work and school and
appointments; I saw children playing together, and bankers and teachers
and factory workers at their jobs. I saw mothers giving birth to
children, which was especially beautiful and moving to me.
I saw people in hospitals and prisons, mental institutions and nursing
homes and orphanages who felt desperately alone and abandoned and
afraid. And I saw people painting pictures and planting gardens; writing
stories and composing music, and people dancing.
I saw people praying in mosques and temples, synagogues, and churches; and
people individually expressing their own silent prayers. I saw
indigenous tribes in all different parts of the world drumming and
chanting. And God was sending multitudes of angels to the Earth, to
assist in answering all of the countless, millions of prayers being
offered up at that single moment.
As I seemed to move further into the light, I saw the Earth as though from
outer space. It was like a beautiful, shimmering blue and green jewel
floating in the cosmos. As I moved closer I saw that the Earth was
vibrating and pulsating, as though it was a living, breathing entity and
not just some physical mass.
And I thought, "This is
Mother Earth; this is our Divine Mother."
But as I looked even
closer, I saw that there were terrible wounds and sores on different
parts of her body, and that she was gasping for breath, and calling out
to God and to her children to stop the killing and destruction and
hatefulness - that she was dying and praying for all of us to help her
to heal and regenerate. Again I felt overwhelmed by feelings of sadness
and compassion, and I desired to hold Mother Earth in my arms - to
whisper words of love and hope.
I remember that a part of me felt frustrated and powerless to actually do
anything of value - just as I have often felt in my physical body. Yet
another part of me felt completely powerful, as though there was nothing
that I couldn't accomplish.
At that moment I asked
God, "What do you want me to do?"
And the answer that came
to me was that I had to go back into my physical body in order to
complete certain goals that had already been set into motion.
And I thought, "But I
can't go back because my body is too far gone, it's beyond repair."
And I was also afraid that
I could never accomplish, with all of my physical limitations, all that
I could do as a spirit form, which felt so free and unencumbered.
I remember feeling angry and fearful about going back, after being in all
of this light - to have to go back to the darkness. And then I felt the
presence of Jesus Christ all around me. The feeling of love was
completely overwhelming. I felt as though I was swimming in an ocean of
ecstasy.
And I asked him, "Do I
really have to go back?"
And his answer was that I
was a part of God's divine plan, as is every person, and that my
ultimate purpose is to love and serve God and all sentient beings. And I
could tell that he understood all of my fear and doubt. And he assured
me that I would heal and recover, but that it would be a lifelong
process; and that I did have the power within me, only I didn't realize
it until now, and that all I had to do was to ask for the courage and
strength to persevere in my life and in my work. This particular
information held enormous value for me, as I had often questioned
whether I would ever really find a place in the world - having always
been somewhat of an outsider - a place where my passionate concern
regarding so many compelling modern issues could somehow take solid
form, and that I could hopefully make even a small difference.
Then Christ said that he would send me guardian angels to aid me in my
healing, and to guide and protect me. Then the light became even
brighter, and suddenly there were angels everywhere, playing the most
transcendentally beautiful music, and singing "Hosanna!" and hymns of
praise to God. And some of the angels were crying, which I didn't
understand. And Jesus said that the angels were weeping tears of joy for
my new life on Earth and that they were also expressing compassion for
the hardship I would endure for the rest of my earthly existence. And he
said that he had summoned the angels to guide me on my journey back to
the Earth, and to my physical body. I remember feeling so grateful that
Christ was there to help me try and understand everything that was
happening. I also remember feeling that I wasn't afraid anymore; that no
one could ever hurt me again. And that I would try my best every day to
serve God's will.
I awakened to find two men kneeling over me, with expressions of
apprehension and concern on both their faces. For some reason I felt
that they might be gay men. They both looked to be in their thirties. I
couldn't help but notice how handsome they both were, and that they were
beautifully dressed in what appeared to be very expensive business
clothes. I remember thinking that they might be some kind of executives
working for a corporation, which in fact is exactly what they turned out
to be. One of the men obviously had some type of first aid training, and
had monitored my vital signs. They informed me that an ambulance was on
its way and to try to remain still and not speak, which was easy to do,
considering the extent of my injuries. They had both taken off their
jackets and laid them over me, and I was horrified to discover that the
jackets were covered with blood and completely ruined. I remember
feeling embarrassed, and yet enormously grateful for the kindness of
these two strangers. Their entire presence was completely warm and
comforting, and I felt strangely safe and protected.
They waited alongside me until the ambulance came, and then arrived at the
hospital to make sure that I was properly attended to. They visited me
in the hospital on two separate occasions. I made a somewhat feeble
offer to replace their ruined clothes, but they simply laughed it off,
and insisted that the only thing that mattered was that I was alive and
more or less in one piece. Again their mere presence filled me with a
sense of hope and courage. I felt very strongly that both men symbolized
what would prove to be a succession of "angels" that Christ had promised
to send me. This, in fact, turned out to be truer than I could possibly
have imagined.
A Lesbian's
Near-Death Experience
Kerry Kirk is a lesbian who corresponded with Kevin Williams and
described her near-death experience. This experience appears in Mr.
Williams' book, Nothing Better
Than Death.
The following happened to
me during the summer of 1981. I was nineteen at the time. It was a time
in my life when I had pretty much decided that there could be no God, no
great being in control of the world around me. If there were, he wasn't
doing a very good job. I didn't realize it at the time, but once I had
made this "decision" I started going downhill. I became selfish. That is
self-centered but not very self-concerned.
I should mention that I had been having episodes of tachycardia for
several years. I was never diagnosed
(up to that point) with any kind of heart defect. Had I been
asked, I would have denied any problems with my heart. I thought it was
very normal to get light headed and almost pass out during periods when
my heart would race. Duh.
One evening I was in the back seat of a car traveling to San Francisco
from Los Angeles. All of a sudden my heart began to race and the nausea
hit. Next everything started spinning and I could see lots of colors.
Then I had a sense of blackness come over me. Like a dark damp cloud. I
was terrified. I have never been so scared. In my fear I said, "Jesus."
Immediately I witnessed a fight. It seemed there was a battle between a
being in white/light and this blackness. Immediately following, the
light overtook the darkness.
"I found myself on my face in worship in front of this Being of Light. I
felt a warmth, the most intense love filled me. It was an energy that
penetrated every fiber of my being. I had never felt such a complete and
total love. That unconditional love I hear many talk about.
I know there was conversation between us but I can not remember what was
said. I feel like it was a time of healing for me, kind of a
regeneration if you will.
In the next instant, I was floating above the car moving down the highway
looking at myself in the back seat. I knew it was me sitting there, and
yet I was up here. I wasn't afraid or confused. Everything was as it
should be.
There was someone there to my left. I don't think it was the same being
that I had just been with. He
(I had a sense it was a he) seemed to be in a white robe or
something. Funny, I never really looked at him. His identity didn't seem
to be important. I think he was there to guide me. I didn't make myself
go, it was more like he took me or led me.
We began moving through space. I was aware of that because the stars and
planets were passing very quickly. It was very exciting, I felt so free.
The order of the next [series of episodes] I am unsure of. I know each was
a distinct episode, but it is hard for me to put them in an order or
time frame.
The next thing I knew there was a white "room." I can't say it had walls
but it seemed to be somewhat enclosed. Maybe its boundaries extended to
the edge of the light that filled it and that is why I call it a room.
There was a man in a white robe behind a podium with a book on it. I
knew it was the book of life from the Bible.
I remember thinking, "Uh
oh, that stuff was for real."
I suddenly realized that
the "God" I had been presented wasn't anything like the reality. I saw
that it doesn't matter if you call him God, Allah, Great Spirit or
whatever, he is the same thing.
The different religions just have different ways of explaining the same
Creator. I also realized that little voice inside us that prompts us to
do good things comes from this Creator, it is that light of love inside
each of us. I don't remember specifically being told this, more like I
just knew it.
I came to a place, maybe a room maybe a space. I was shown my life. If it
was my entire life. I do not remember all of it. The only part that I
remember now was just the last week or so. Since I had given up on God.
I saw how selfish I had been. I felt the pain I had caused one person in
particular and it bothered me very much. The things I had the most guilt
for was hurting other people, lying, not being sensitive to their
feelings, just being selfish. The fact that I was a lesbian didn't even
seem to matter then. That was surprising to me, given what I had been
brought up to believe.
There was another room or area. It seems like there were others there, I
sensed some were female, some male, but I can't say I recognized anyone.
I was shown a diagram. I could see that it represented choices. A choice
led to other choices which lead to other choices. Basically, actions
have consequences.
I began receiving "all knowledge," or at least that is what it felt like.
They were there teaching me. This didn't come to me as words like you
and I speak. More as complete thoughts. When I think, it is generally in
words and pictures, this is how I received the information. As complete
words and pictures in my mind. As I could form a question in my mind I
had the answer. Not just the answer to that question, but the why and
how and the answer to every other question that the answer would bring
up.
EVERYTHING in the entire
universe fits together like a jigsaw puzzle. EVERYTHING MADE SENSE.
I remember thinking, "I
have to remember this."
I looked over to the right and in the distance I could see a beautiful
valley with lots of people. There was someone looking out over all of
it. I felt that it was Jesus. I then looked down and saw a line. My foot
(Yes, I did have a spiritual "body" as did the others I encountered)
was stepping over the line to go to be with the others.
Then I was told, "If you
cross that line you can't go back, it would mean you would have to die."
Funny as it may sound, up
to that point I didn't realize I would have to die or was about to die.
It never occurred to me. I didn't realize that I was separate from my
body even though I had seen it in the car. I felt complete. I remember
laughing and thinking this isn't how I pictured death.
I said I wanted to stay. I was then told that the people I was with
(in the car), as well as my mother, would not understand and it
would hurt them deeply. I understood.
At some point I was shown a map and was told to leave and go to Virginia.
The angels were singing and it seems like I could see the clouds all lit
up
(it was nighttime).
The next thing I knew I as sitting in the back of the car. I could hear
the most beautiful music.
I didn't tell anyone what had happened to me for a long time. I felt out
of place the next several days. I wanted to go back. I knew
instinctively that I could not do anything to bring that about though. I
tried and tried to remember everything I learned when I was filled with
knowledge but it isn't there.
Another Lesbian's Near-Death
Experience
In Jean Ritchie's excellent book entitled
Death's Door, she has documented the suicide attempts and subsequent
near-death experiences of a woman named Helen. Her near-death
experiences demolish the myths held by many religious people that
suicide and homosexuality are one-way tickets to hell. Although today
Helen is very comfortable with the fact that she is a lesbian, coping
with it has not always been easy. By the time she was seventeen, she was
drinking heavily and experimenting with drugs. Over the years, her
problems greatly escalated which led her to decide to take her own life.
After writing suicide notes and taking an overdose of pills and drink,
Helen was rushed to a hospital in very serious condition. Her heart
stopped four times, she learned later from the medical staff.
I remember clearly floating up above myself, and looking down on my body.
It was connected to numerous machines. I could see the drip and the
oxygen mask. I could see the doctors working to restart my heart with
electronic pads. I could see that my parents were there. It felt very
peaceful, much better than where I had been before. I was bathed in
warmth and light, and the calm was almost tangible. I felt it was up to
me to decide where I wanted to be, up there or back in my body, but the
peace was so overwhelming that I knew I wanted to stay.
And then I was in a small supermarket, floating between the aisles. It was
like any ordinary supermarket, with shelves loaded with goods. My
grandmother, who died when I was very young, was at the checkout, and so
was my auntie. I knew without anyone telling me that it was my auntie,
my mum's sister, although she had died of a brain hemorrhage before I
was born. They were beckoning to me to go to them, but through the
plate-glass window I could see my parents and my immediate family, also
beckoning and urging me to hurry.
(The next thing Helen remembers is waking from her
coma with the oxygen mask pressing on her face and causing some pain.
She felt regret at having left the peace behind.)
Helen's second near-death experience occurred a couple of years after the
first, after another suicide attempt. This time she took pills and tried
to swallow bleach. Her partner found her and called an ambulance. The
following is her experience.
I was drifting in and out of consciousness, more out than in, but I
remember being wheeled from the flat on a stretcher. Again, I floated
above and could look down and see two men carrying the stretcher, and I
felt secure and safe in the knowledge that I was walking away from all
the chaos of my life. Again, I felt it was my decision to walk away.
Then I remember a very powerful force pulling me towards a serene, very
beautiful realm, a higher realm. I traveled very slowly along a tunnel
toward a bright light, and I could feel an overwhelming sense of warmth
and peace and whiteness. I wanted to walk into the whiteness, which was
so tranquil and happy. It was like stepping into a vacuum, there was
nothing tangible, no scenery to look at, but a tremendous feeling of
being somewhere, like nirvana. I felt okay, as though this was where I
was meant to be, as if I had arrived home, and I was at ease with myself
for the first time in a long time.
I also felt at one with the forces of the universe, as though I was part
of something much much bigger, and yet I was also the whole of it. It
was a tremendously powerful feeling, and such a contrast to the despair
and depression that had led me there.
(This second time Helen did not see any relatives,
and although she experienced the same sense of there being an element of
choice in whether or not she returned to life or continued in that
lovely place, she did not feel any panic when she awoke in the hospital
a few days later.)
I knew I had not wanted to relinquish the good feelings the place had
given me, but at the same time I did not feel regret at returning. This
time, the experience seemed to give me strength. I felt refreshed.
(She was told by hospital staff that she was lucky
to have survived.)
Helen's two near-death experiences have taken away any fear she may have
had of death, and she now anticipates that when it comes she will once
again experience those feelings of peace and tranquility. She does not
believe that her near-death experiences encouraged her to make more
suicide attempts: suicide, she says, is born of despair with this world,
not a hankering after the peace and serenity of the next. Eventually,
Helen was able to beat her alcohol and drug addiction. She is back with
her partner, studying for a master's degree and doing volunteer work.
NDE Analysis of Homosexuality
Countless near-death experiences describe the
unconditional love that God has for everyone. This, of course, includes
gays and lesbians. Just the fact that God created so many homosexuals
(approximately 10% of the population)
should be enough proof for any reasonable person. Unfortunately,
there are people out there who, out of ignorance, fear, and bigotry,
persecute them by treating them as second class citizens.
The following insights comes from near-death
testimonies concerning bigotry. These insights show how homosexuality is
just as natural as heterosexuality and is certainly not offensive to God
as some religious texts claim.
Creed, race, gender, and sexual preference have no real meaning to God.
No matter who we are, we were all children joined under one God. The
only rule is God's true law "Do unto others as you would have them do
unto you." (P.M.H. Atwater)
Those religions which claim superiority over others, or exclude people
for various reasons, go against God's law that we love one another as we
love ourselves. (Sandra Rogers)
God is really only concerned about what is within us, our heart and
spirituality, not our sexual preference. The way to heaven is through
love for everyone unconditionally. We do not go to heaven by worshipping
Jesus, or by believing in his name, or by believing in the cross, or by
accepting him as our Savior. We grow to heaven by creating heaven within
us by practicing the unconditional love of Jesus for everyone no matter
who they are. (Kevin Williams' research)
There is no one religion just as there is no "chosen" people or person.
We are all children of God in the sense that we are all souls of God's
creation. What counts is what comes from the heart, not what one
professes to believe. The most difficult thing for a person who has been
deeply steeped in a particular religious tradition is to realize that
the form alone is not what elevates a person; it is the heart. (PMH
Atwater)
It also needs to be recognized that not all teachings described as
religious are beneficial. Religion which is judgmental, prejudicial,
critical, and narrow may impede the spirit's natural growth. It is love,
not religion, which creates spiritual growth. Where religion teaches
love, there is growth. Where religion impedes love, there is stagnation.
(Nora Spurgin)
A Scientific Analysis
of Homosexuality
According to Dr. Ian Stevenson, the foremost reincarnation researcher,
many of children with past-life memories show abilities or talents that
they had in their previous lives. Dr. Stevenson's research led him to
conclude that homosexuality is a natural
human trait that results from the reincarnation of a person of one
gender as a person of the opposite gender. Such people
must adjust to their new gender and sexuality at an early age. Former
girls who are reborn as boys may wish to dress as girls or prefer to
play with girls rather than boys. Former boys who are reborn as girls
may wish to dress as boys or prefer to play with boys rather than girls.
Former men who are reborn as women will be attracted to women and will
therefore be lesbian. Former women who are reborn as men will be
attracted to men and will therefore be gay. (Dr.
Ian Stevenson)
Kevin Williams'
NDE Analysis of Homosexuality
Dr. Stevenson's research supports the
scientific evidence that homosexuality is a natural human genetic trait
and not a lifestyle of personal choice. This is supported by
modern research that supports the concept that the brains of homosexuals
are genetically different than heterosexual brains. In a recent study,
conducted by Dr. Simon LaVey and reported in
Science News, August 31, 1991. Vol. 140, No. 9, page 140, concluded
that homosexual brains are different than heterosexual brains.
Such research strongly suggests that homosexuality is a
natural process and therefore, a divinely created process. And anyone
who has grown up on a farm or ranch knows that animals often exhibit
homosexual behavior. These facts of nature and God discredit some
self-righteous religious beliefs that homosexuality is merely a choice,
a sin or a lifestyle which people can easily chose to abandon.
Near-death and metaphysical evidence shows that people
are born the way they are for a higher purpose that is known to God and
our Higher Selves.
The Bible and
Homosexuality
The Bible was written during a time when society considered
all sinners, homosexuals, adulterers, and prostitutes as outcasts and
worthy of death. Women had the same status as cattle, slavery was
sanctioned, and so-called sexually immoral people were stoned to death.
But Jesus didn't follow the social norms of those days. He hung out with
sinners, prostitutes, tax collectors and even made some of them
apostles.
The
following is the case that Jesus is not concerned about a person's
sexual preference contrary to Paul's opinions.
Paul did not know Jesus at all except from a NDE. And Paul
didn't take the opportunity to learn from the twelve whom Jesus lived
with, taught, and appointed. Instead,
Paul rebukes Peter and has conflicts with twelve. Jesus told the
twelve they would
rule on twelve thrones and judge Israel even though Paul doesn't get
along with them. The only real historical facts that Paul mentions in
his letters concerning Jesus was that he was crucified and had a brother
Jesus. Paul's letters display a bizarre degree of ignorance concerning
Jesus' teachings. In fact, Paul contradicts the teachings of Jesus so
many times, many scholars state that Paul, not Jesus, is the founder of
Christianity.
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