Grieving from the Loss of a Loved One from the NDE Perspective

By Kevin Williams

 

I was asked by a national non-profit grief organization to write an article about grief from the perspective of the near-death experience. The following is the article I submitted to them. In this article, I answer questions concerning the afterlife which are focused primarily for people who are grieving over the loss of a loved one and are seeking answers. I pray that if you fit this description, you will be helped by this article. I pray that this article will also help you learn how to maintain communications with your loved one on the Other Side.

Table of Contents
1. What do you know about grief and loss?

I experienced loss and grief for the first time over two years ago when my mother died in a tragic car accident. I thought my knowledge of NDEs would spare me of the profound grief people often go through when losing a very close loved one. But when my mother died, I discovered my knowledge of life after death did not prevent me from experiencing the profound grief I thought wouldn't happen. One of the biggest lessons I learned was this: No matter how wonderful you believe the afterlife is, losing a loved one is a profoundly devastating experience. And no matter how wonderful it is to know your loved one is in a paradise beyond imagination, losing them is no less a profoundly devastating experience. In my book entitled "Nothing Better Than Death," I make the case of death to be the most wonderful experience in the world. There is no doubt in my mind about it. But while I was in the middle of writing my book, my mother died and - until that point - I believed I knew as much as a person could about death without actually dying. But I was sadly mistaken. When my mother died, the reality losing her was a tremendous shock. I quickly discovered an aspect to death I knew nothing about - death from the point of view of the surviving loved ones.

 

After I went through a phase of denial, I eventually became so depressed I had to be hospitalized off and on for a few years. While in a psych ward with severe depression, there is really nowhere else to go but up. It took a long while for me to function normally again; but the experience ultimately put me on permanent disability. Losing a very close loved one is a lesson probably most people must learn. There IS nothing better than death; but only for the one who has died. For surviving family and friends; there is often nothing worse than losing a loved one. A loved one's death is a homecoming and a time for great rejoicing; but only for themselves. For the surviving family and friends, losing a loved feels more like oblivion, psychic disconnection, profound heartbreak, and often suicide. Experiencing this dichotomy of the wonderfulness and horrifying nature of death was the biggest shock of my life aside from losing my mother. Before my mother died, I viewed death only as a friend which only uninformed people fear. I knew how some NDErs quickly realize the inappropriateness of expressing joy at the loss of a loved one while everyone around them is in mourning. I believed my "superior" understanding death and the NDE would protect me from the loss in the same manner. But my mother was only 63-years-old when she died and somehow I believed she would be around for many decades. So my mother's sudden and horrifying death meant never being with her again - at least in this world - and for possibily another 50 years when I reach my 90's. In other words, an entire lifetime for some. It was the toughest lesson I have ever had to learn in my life and it took me by complete surprise.

 

For a long time after her death, I could only focus on my loss and not her gain. I understand now this is perfectly natural. The experience of losing my mother made me realize how wrong I was in believing it to be selfish to grieve over losing a loved one. In fact, during my period of grief, it was often my mother who was comforting me from the Other Side. On several occasions, I felt her presence around me suddenly and unexpectedly. One such occasion was so profound that I have documented the experience on my website as an "after-death communication" because of the signs and wonders that went along with it that happened to my entire family.In the end, my experience of losing my mother became more than a time of profound grief. It was also an educational process in many ways. In the most profound way, it removed all residue of doubt I had of the existence of life after death. I like to call it my "near-life experience" because it resembled a near-death experience in many ways but on this side of life.

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2. What evidence is there that consciousness survives death?

Where do I begin? There is a mountain of circumstantial evidence which I believe is good enough for most people. Circumstantial evidence is often enough for courts of law to determine truth. The best evidence, of course, is scientific evidence. And there is a growing amount of scientific evidence which supports the afterlife hypothesis. But this evidence does not meet the very high standard that satisfies the scientific method that would make it proof that the afterlife hypothesis is true. There is, however, a much scientific evidence supporting survival of consciousness which science has not been able to explain away.

Science cannot explain how so many near-death experiencers observe verifiable events happening far away from their clinically dead body. Experiencers will tell you that they were outside of their physical body when they observed the events. This is an unacceptable explanation for materialists who reject any notion of paranormal things including a spirit realm. For the scientist using the somewhat limited scientific method, this represents a real challenge. Quantum physics, on the other hand, supports a multi-dimensional reality and a transcendental consciousness. In fact, this new physics is beginning to support many important concepts found in near-death experiences (NDEs) such as the existence of non-material dimensions without our time-space relationship, the supernatural qualities of light, universal interconnectedness, and the non-locality of consciousness. I personally believe that the dimension we travel to after death is the quantum realm. Scientists smash atomic particles together to study it. Astrophysicists peer into galaxies and across vast oceans of time and space to study it. Death appears to be another way to study this magical dimension.

People born blind see for the first time in their lives when they have an NDE. Dr. Ken Ring is the pioneer on this subject. Also, some people have reported having an NDE while on the operating table and brain dead. We know they were brain dead because there brain waves were monitored and recorded a flatline. Yet, when the patient revives they describe observing the whole thing while out of their body. Then they describe going into the light and meeting deceased loved ones. This is a major problem for science right now because brain doctors know that unconscious and dead brains do not produce images or visions. And even if we assume that such a brain can produce images or visions, it would not be able to remember them when they become conscious. This is the dilemma which science so far has not been able to explain. But there are studies going on right now, particularly in the UK and Europe, which are trying to get to the bottom of this. They are also trying to obtain more verifiable evidence which people having a near-death experience can bring back.

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3. What are some examples of the more interesting NDEs that you have come across?

The NDEs in which people bring back verifiable evidence is most fascinating to me. Also, the NDEs of those who are born blind and those who are verifiably brain dead as I have already mentioned. I enjoy reading the NDEs of small children because they generally have little or no biases and generally have no motive to lie. Their NDEs are identical to adult NDEs with the exception that children describe their NDEs in, you might say, the purest form. Some people are shown visions of the future, but which is not fixed - that is - they are shown a future based upon current probabilities. Some well-known experiencers, such as Dannion Brinkley, were shown important world events which later came true. For example, Brinkley was shown the collapse of the Soviet Union, the Chernobyl disaster, and Operation Desert Storm in Iraq. He was shown this several decades before it happened and he has evidence to prove that he knew about these events before they occurred.

Other NDEs that interest me a lot are the ones where the experiencer has been dead for days. I don't come across too many of these, but I have them on my website. One well-known case is that of Reverend George Rodonaia who had an NDE while trying to leave Communist Russia. He was run over by the KGB and killed and was placed in the morgue. He has all the documents showing how he was declared dead for three days. During this time, Rodonaia has one of the most beautiful NDEs I have ever read about. He revives on the autopsy table when the pathologist began to cut into him.

Other NDEs I find interesting are the ones where two or more people are killed together at the same time and share the same NDE. My favorite case of this phenomenon comes from the distinguished Mormon NDE research Arvin Gibson. He documented the testimony of a whole group of Mormon firefighters who succumbed to the flames only to return with an NDE. They all saw each other outside of their bodies after the fire they were fighting overtook them. The remarkable thing is that they were promised by God that if they returned to their bodies, their bodies wouldn't be burned. When they all revived, not only did their bodies not burn, but neither did their tools. However, the mountainside that they were trying to protect was completely burned.

I also like reading NDEs where the experiencer brings back a scientific discovery or obtains supernatural powers. Many of the scientific discoveries are in the realm of physics which I briefly touched on. Some experiencers return from having a NDE with psychic powers. For example, Dr. Yvonne Kason had an NDE after the plane she was riding in crashed into a lake. Sometime afterward, she received a vision that her friend had encephalitis. The strange thing about it was that her friend was not even ill. But Dr. Kason insisted that her friend be tested anyway. The test turned out to be positive. Other near-death experiencers who obtained psychic powers from a NDE have worked with police detectives to solve various crimes. One famous near-death experiencer, Joseph McMoneagle, worked for the CIA during the Cold War as a "remote viewer."

Finally, other NDEs I find very interesting are NDEs which occurred a long time ago. NDEs can be found in every major religious text such as (1) the Bible, (2) the Torah, (3) the Koran, (4) the Tibetan Book of the Dead, (5) the Bhagavad-Gita, (6) the Kabala, and even in (7) Plato's Republic. Other NDEs I enjoy reading are NDEs from the Middle Ages because they are described using different words and symbols than are commonly used today.

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4. What about reincarnation?

Some people are surprised when I tell them that there already is scientific evidence that reincarnation is a reality. The only problem is that science and religion in the West does not accept it so it is generally ignored. There have been astounding studies done over the last four decades, particular by Dr. Ian Stevenson, which documents not only past life memories in small children, but corroborating physical characteristics which they were born with. The truth is out there. People just need to understand it.

The reason the West rejects reincarnation, for the most part, is because they don't really understand it and therefore have misconceptions about it. NDE research supports the reality of reincarnation because some experiencers were shown their past lives during a life review. Some experiencers have even observed people being prepared for reincarnation to another life on Earth. Some were even asked by Jesus if they would like to reincarnate.

As a Christian, there was a time when I too did not accept reincarnation. But, as I studied more and more NDE testimony, I not only became convinced of its reality, I began to understanding it. For me, the idea of having to return to Earth after I die used to really repulse me. I assumed that people reincarnated immediately after death and, therefore, not reunite with loved ones again. As I read more about NDEs, I discovered that experiencers describe life after death as a timeless realm. This means we can literally spend an eternity of eternities in heaven with loved ones if we desire before we make such a decision to go back to Earth.

My understanding of the "mechanics" of reincarnation also helped me understand my Christian faith to a degree that I never thought possible. The concept of resurrection has always troubled me. The idea of an angel appearing in the sky someday in the future and - blowing a horn to call everyone in their graves to come out - never appealed to me. Strangely enough, my NDE research led me to examine the history and doctrines of early Christianity and other religions to find out that "resurrection" is basically a historical misunderstanding of reincarnation. There is an abundant amount of Biblical evidence alone which shows that Jesus taught reincarnation. But he mostly taught people about a spiritual resurrection that takes place during a person's life which is the true resurrection and it's called "regeneration" or becoming "born again". It is a spiritual rebirth. It is also the way we escape from the cycle of reincarnation.

It was these concepts of spiritual resurrection and physical resurrection (reincarnation) which centuries later, the Church misunderstood and caused them to declare reincarnation a heresy. But then in 1945, early Christian texts were discovered in Egypt and the Dead Sea Scrolls were discovered in 1947 which affirmed that reincarnation was believed and taught in Israel by early Christians and Jews during the times of Christ. But in 1943, Dr. George Ritchie had a NDE which was so profound that it inspired Dr. Raymond Moody to begin his ground-breaking research into NDEs. So, it appears the Other Side is helping humanity to understand what life and death is. According to NDE research,
death is just a body problem.

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5. What is it like to die?

No two NDEs are exactly identical, although many are very similar. After studying a large number of experiences a pattern becomes evident. This pattern can be found in children's NDEs as well.

Often the death experience begins with the feeling of leaving the body and is hovering overhead. Sometimes a "silver cord" is seen connected to the body which acts as an umbilical cord. Sometimes the person may later be able to describe who was where and what happened, sometimes in detail. They may spend an extended period of time around their earthly environment and discover that they can walk through walls, hear the thoughts and feel the feelings of the living, or fly through the air.

The person may then find themselves moving through a dark space or tunnel and having a sense of timelessness. Sometimes they may suddenly see the Earth from outer space. They may actually travel into outer space and experience galaxies light-years away.

Some people may see or actually experience a temporary realm which could be called a "hellish" realm. They may see souls who are in a miserable condition and in situations which may resemble a nightmare such as souls engaged in hand-to-hand combat, sexual orgies and rape, gloomy dungeons, a foggy realm of bewildered souls, and the earthbound realm where some souls are not aware they have died or they are obsessed with some earthly desire for which they try in vain to satisfy. The souls in these realms do not remain there forever because higher spirit beings can also be seen there helping them. It is my personal opinion that the number of people who experience these hellish realms for an extended period of time after death is comparable to the number of people in our prison system today. That is, it represents only a small fraction of society.

Continuing on, at some point, the person usually experiences intensely powerful emotions such as perfect bliss and overwhelming love. Sometimes beautiful heavenly music is heard.

The person may encounter a wonderful and beautiful light. It is usually described as golden, or white, and as being very loving. People identify this light with God. The person may feel as though they are being "magnetically" drawn to it.

Other entities may appear and greet the person. They may be deceased loved ones recognized from life or they may be people whom they cannot identify but feel as though they know them. A kind of heavenly homecoming may occur where the person is reunited with deceased loved ones. Sometime sacred beings appear such as a "Being of Light", Jesus, the Virgin Mary, Buddha, archangels, angels, etc. Sometimes beings appear whom they identify to be "guides". The person may be reunited with a deceased pet. Orbs may be seen representing the souls of individuals. Sometimes symbols from one's own religion or other religious traditions appear.

At some point, the person realizes they now possess supernatural abilities such as mental telepathy, instantaneous travel, the ability to create things with their mind, the ability to change form such as into an orb of light, and the ability to see in 360 degree vision.

The person may then experience a life review which is when they see and re-experience major and trivial events of one's life, sometimes from the perspective of the other people involved. The person may be asked a question like "How have you loved others in your life?" or "What have you done with your life?" or some question having to do with love which initiates the life review. Although the life review involves an incredible amount of knowledge and experiences, the life review itself is usually described as happening instantaneously. Sometimes the person is taken back into time to experience historical events. Sometimes the person is taken into the future. The life review often ends by coming to some conclusion about the adequacy of that person's life and what changes are needed in it.

People report having a sense of understanding everything, of being omniscient, and of knowing how the universe and everything works. They may receive important information which they believe they had known before but had forgotten - sometimes about their own identity. Some people bring back knowledge of having past lives. They may receive previously unknown information about their life such as being adopted or some hidden parentage or deceased siblings they didn't know about. Some people bring back important scientific information and discoveries. Some people bring back knowledge about the future - either personal or global - and sometimes apocalyptic. Some people bring back information concerning religion, philosophy, history, or astrology.

In some cases, the person may be taken to otherworldly environments. They may observe or enter a beautiful "city of light" or a heavenly library or a "temple of knowledge" or a heavenly receiving station. They may visit beautiful heavenly gardens, valleys, or other scenery. The person may then reach a boundary such as a river, a fence, or some kind of barrier that may not be crossed if one is to return to life.

The person may then receive a telepathic message, "It is not yet your time" or "Your mission is not completed" or "You are not ready to die" or some variant of this. The decision to return may be voluntary or involuntary. If voluntary, it is usually associated with unfinished responsibilities.

The experience ends when the person returns to their body. This may be an instantaneous event or the person may observe their physical body before they must "jump" into it.

When the person has revived, they may notice dramatic personal changes such as an increase in spirituality and psychic abilities. They may have difficulty adjusting to these new changes. They may become depressed because they had to leave heaven. The entire near-death experience changes lives forever.

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6. What do NDE experiencers say about God?

When you read enough NDE testimony you get an overwhelming feeling and understanding that there is only one thing that is of utmost importance. It is love - particularly unconditional love. If you read enough of these NDEs, you will discover that love is the most important thing there is. And the love they are talking about is practically nonexistent on Earth. The love that near-death experiencers are talking about is unconditional love - unlimited love - all-powerful love - all-encompassing love - a universal love. This love is the divine entity which all the religious people on Earth worship as "God".

 

The indescribable light which people see after death is what people call "God". This light of love is God. God's presence is so obvious in heaven that it cannot be denied. Air is to the physical world as God is to the spirit world. God cannot really be described with words and experiencers are often flustered when trying to do so. The words used to describe God is love, life, light, time and space, the pattern for all life, the energy of all matter, the heart of all that matters, the very essence of all being, the source behind every sun, the source of all light and love, the core of all things, the single point of infinite light and absolute love, and the very life force of the universe. In other words, God is everywhere and everything is a part of God because nothing exists that is not a part of God.

People who have an NDE are bringing into the world a light of love which has never before been understood on such a vast scale. Experiencers tell us that love is God. The light seen in so many NDEs is this love that is God. God is the light that loves. And loving others and everything is all that really matters in life. Everything else, our achievements and material wealth, is totally irrelevant by comparison. Whether people realize it or not, love is what we are really seeking and what we need to sustain us. This love is too immense and profound to be fully understood in a single lifetime. But it can be fully understood after we die when we enter into the light.

All paths in life eventually lead back to God: universal love and one-ness. As spirit beings, our core is perfect love - the so-called "spark of divinity". When we recognize this divine love within us, we realize that everyone is connected together. We are all of the same spirit and separation is only an illusion.

Experiencers tell us that life is about people, not pursuits. It is about loving people, not things. Religious dogma means nothing on the other side. True religion is to love others as we love ourselves. But we must love ourselves. It is what's inside us that counts. It is love and not religious dogma which creates spiritual growth. What is important is what comes from the heart, not what one professes with the lips. Love in action is what lasts. The more we live in love, the closer we are to God. The way to heaven is through the practice of love. Love is the law of the universe and love actually holds the universe together. Our afterlife situation and condition is determined by the level of love we have developed in our life. This is often attained through hardships which challenge us and help us grow and stay compassionate. Before we can really feel joy, we must know sorrow. This world is the "School of Hard Knocks" which helps develop within us the tough, unconditional love that people call "God." We are told by experencers that life is a cycle of improvements and the goal is perfection in love.

Once we leave this world, we will step into the spirituality we have cultivated within ourselves. We will then view reality from an inward perspective instead of an outward one. Heaven and hell are not locations so much as they are spiritual states of being. We grow to heaven. We don't go to heaven. We grow to heaven through love within and in practice. The central factor determining our level of spiritual growth, and the level of heaven we attain after death, is the degree to which we have lived for the sake of others out of love. Our ability to love governs our progress in the spirit and it determines the degree of light we possess.

They say life on Earth is but a preparation for our life in heaven. We come to Earth from heaven for the purpose of obtaining spiritual development and to bring heaven to Earth. Free will is a divine gift from God to humanity and nobody forces anyone to heaven. Since God is love, the more love we create within us and give to others, the closer we are to God. It is a life of love that leads to heaven. Love is God's paradise for humanity and we can create this paradise from heaven on Earth and within us if we learn to love one another.

We are told that the chief reason for returning to this world is for instruction which leads to the advancement of our souls in spiritual maturity. We are all given all the opportunities it takes, as many lifetimes as it takes, to achieve this goal. Then, like the prodigal son, we will return to our true home never again to leave it. Once we have learned the lessons necessary in this world, we do not need to return.

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7. What do experiencers say about heaven?
Heaven is a matter of "good vibrations" which is based on the various levels of spiritual love which exists. Physicists tell us that there may be ten, eleven, or even more dimensions to reality which exists within the same space as our universe. The reason we cannot see these dimensions is the same reason we cannot see radio or television waves because they exist beyond the frequency on the light spectrum that we can see. Love can be compared to heat which has vibrations that are finer than colder temperatures. The greater the love - the finer the vibration - and the closer we are to heaven. Heavier vibrations represent coldness and the heavier the vibrations the nearer we are to what people call "hell." Negative vibes cannot be expressed in heaven so as we enter into heaven, these negative vibes are removed by God. People who prefer to hold on to negative vibes are allowed to dwell where these vibrations can be expressed.

When we manifest unconditional love, our soul vibration is so high that the only place we can fit into is heaven. People don't go to heaven because of good deeds, but because their soul vibration of love fits in and belongs there. After death, people gravitate into groups according to the rate of their soul's vibration. The old cliché "Birds of a feather flock together" is really true. It is the same principle as putting a coin into the slot of a coin counter. The coin just naturally fits to its proper location. So it is with the soul. After death, our soul naturally fits in the level of love and heaven we have within us. In fact, while we are alive on Earth, our soul actually dwells in the spiritual dimension we will discover after death. This is why Jesus said, "The Kingdom of heaven is within." The beauty of heaven is beyond words and it reflects the spiritual nature of those who dwell there.

Although our goal is to remain forever in heaven, our greatest goal right now is to bring heaven to Earth. If we don't help those in the lower realms to develop a higher level of spirituality, we cannot truly enjoy heaven. This is because our family and friends might be inhabiting these lower levels. It is as one experiencer so eloquently put it, "We are going to link up, hold hands, and walk out of hell together." For this reason, we leave paradise, not just for the sake of our own spiritual development, but for those we love. By doing this, we are also doing it for God's sake. We are assured by God that when we leave paradise for another incarnation at a lower spiritual level, we will be brought home safely again. Ultimately, everyone will merge with God at the highest level as it was in the beginning. Paradise lost will then truly become paradise found again.

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8. What do experiencers say about religion?
People who have a near-death experience often return less religious and more spiritual. One minister who had a near-death experience said that it made everything in his life appear insignificant by comparison - his ministry, his religion, even his own family. He added that it didn't diminish these aspects to his life; it just revealed his experience to be far greater.

Doctrine, creed and race mean nothing on the Other Side. Theology is not important to God. No matter what we believe, we were all children joined under one God. The only rule is the Golden Rule: Do unto others as you would have them do unto you. Heaven is not about religion. We do not attain heaven through religion or by pledging allegiance to a God. It is love that creates heaven. Religions are only cultural institutions. Those religions which claim to be superior over other religions or exclude people for various reasons go against God's law to love others as we love ourselves. Although religion is not considered important to God, all religions are necessary because there are people who need what these religions teach. It is for this reason that all religions are precious in the sight of God. But if you insist upon searching for an old man on a throne after you die, you will do this for a long time until you get the idea that you are chasing a fantasy-to-be-abandoned. 

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9. How can I contact my loved one on the Other Side through my dreams?

When my mother died two years ago, she appeared in a dream of mine and in an almost identical dream of my sister's that very same night. These kinds of dreams are often reported to be "not like an ordinary dream." Indeed, my own contact with my mother happened when she interrupted my normal dream and suddenly it became a lucid dream where I was able to talk to her. It was lucid, in that, I became aware that I was dreaming but I did not see my mother as part of a dream. I knew that she was actually there and what I was experiencing with my mother was no dream. An ordinary dream is generally fragmented, jumbled, filled with symbolism, and incomplete in various ways. Ordinary dreams typically have a quality of unreality about them and such dreams are often forgotten. But a "visitation dream" feels like an actual face-to-face visit with a deceased loved one. They are much more lucid, vivid, colorful, orderly, and memorable than ordinary dreams.

Visitation dreams are probably more common than people realize but they are often dismissed or not talked about out of fear of having their sanity questioned. Dreams are the best way to connect with our loved ones on the Other Side. There are various kinds of dreams depending upon the physical, mental, or spiritual needs we have at the time. Our dreams are our access to the Other Side. During our dreams, we receive input from the spirit world and from our spirit. It has been said that there is not a question we can ask which cannot be answered from the depths of our being while we are dreaming.

During our dreams we can also experience telepathy, see into the future, travel out of our body, remember past lives, meet our spirit guides, meet angels, meet Jesus, and even hear the voice of God. Some people have reported near-death experiences while they are dreaming.

Our subconscious minds are in contact with other subconscious minds - both living and "dead". Through our subconscious mind, dreams can connect us with living people on Earth or with those on the Other Side. We might be visited in our dreams by deceased family and friends for many reasons. Sometimes they seek to give us assurance about their well-being on the Other Side. Sometimes loved ones on the Other Side want to show us what the Other Side is like to take away our fear and grief. They may come to bring us information which may be very helpful. For example, there are reports of deceased relatives appearing in dreams and giving instructions about where to find a will or a lost object. Sometimes they appear in our dreams for just a visit. As it was in Biblical days, angels can even appear and speak to us in our dreams today. Sometimes our loved ones on the Other Side appear in our dreams to say things like, "I am fine and happy. Your grief is holding me back and making me sad. You can help me greatly by trying to overcome your sorrow."

There are things you can do to help you in contacting loved ones in your dreams. First of all, pray to God before you sleep for guidance and to help contact with your loved one. Make a suggestion to yourself every night as you fall asleep, "I will remember my dreams." Record your dreams as soon as possible after you wake up. If you awaken in the middle of the night, write down the main events or symbols in your dream. The entire dream will usually be recalled in the morning. Practice trying to remember more and more of your dreams. You will find that just the realization of how important your dreams really are will go a long way to helping you remember your dreams.

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10. How can I contact my loved one on the Other Side through prayer?

There is a little known, but very important, fact about the Other Side which shows up from time to time in near-death experiences. It is the fact that we can communicate with loved ones on the Other Side through prayer. Sometimes it is the prayers of loved ones that experiencers hear on the Other Side which causes them to return. I have heard it said numerous times that the most important thing the Other Side desires from us is our prayers. There is evidence that prayers for a loved one on the Other Side can literally free them from a hellish spiritual condition. Our prayers actually help those on the Other Side. Prayer is especially critical for someone who committed suicide and is now seeking forgiveness and reassurance from the living. When we pray for someone on the Other Side, they are suddenly filled with the light of God and know they are being thought of and helped by our prayer.

Think of prayer as a spiritual "telephone" which we can connect to our loved ones on the Other Side. Think of God as the "Switchboard Operator" because that is exactly one of the roles that God plays - to bring us together and remind us of our one-ness with all things. When you pray to God, ask God to connect you to your loved one. Then start talking to your loved one in your prayers and they will hear you. It is our outpouring of love to them that reassures them that you don't think of them as just "thin air" which the living seem to do frequently. So when God connects you to your loved one in prayer, pour your light of love on them and you will be doing a wonderful thing for them. What most people often don't know realize is that they want to know that we believe they are still around - which they are. We just can't see them. Our prayers for them are like a light that suddenly shines on them that fills them with your love. It means a lot to our loved ones on the Other Side to continue to communicate with them through prayer. They would like to hear from us just as badly as we do - except they know for sure we are fine, whereas, it is the living who lives in the land of death and doubt. The problem is that some people believe that praying for the dead is somehow "evil". Although the Catholic Church has traditionally sanctioned praying for the dead, Protestants do not. And a large number of people don't even believe in the afterlife or that their loved ones have survived death. Imagine the disappointment you might feel if you died and discover that none of your loved ones believe you exist anymore. Or suppose you discover that they believe you are in hell for some reason and in torment. By directing our prayers to our loved ones on the Other Side, we give them reassurance that our relationship remains intact even though physically it is not.

When my mother died, I discovered how therapeutic it was to send her my thoughts and feelings through prayer. I suppose one does not even need to believe that praying to them actually works to receive benefits by praying to them. After her death, I poured my heart out to her in my prayers. I know that I am connecting with my mother every time I direct my prayers to her. And you might be pleasantly surprised when your prayers are answered.

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11. How can I contact my loved one on the Other Side through meditation?

Prayer is speaking to the Other Side. Meditation is listening to the Other Side. It takes perseverance to be able to harness one's thoughts, sit still and control the body, to attune our minds properly for contact to be made. There are several time-honored methods for meditation that a person could use. When first learning to meditate, a point may be reached where you become fascinated by the many faces appearing in your mind's eye. You may see numerous pairs of eyes staring at you, hear your name called, or feel as thought we are in the midst of a crowd. This is not yet true mediation and so you must continue on. The voices and the faces may belong to unfamiliar souls on the Other Side who are attracted to the spiritual light pouring from you while in this pre-meditative state. The experience has been described to be similar to the feeling of looking through a keyhole only to see another eye looking back at you. By learning to control your thoughts, a higher state can be achieved which is true meditation can take place and we can connect with loved ones on the Other Side. Personally, I must confess that I am a poor mediator. The results of meditation are best when it is done frequently and regularly.

There is an easier method which people can try to attempt to contact the Other Side. This method was developed by none other than Dr. Raymond Moody, the world's foremost expert on near-death experiences. Moody's method is based on the ancient Greek oracle technique to receive visions. Moody has reported a lot of success with this method by those willing to try it. Moody's method involves gazing into a large mirror, a technique that the great seer Nostradamus used to see into the future. Moody has described having an extended vision and conversation with his deceased grandmother using this method. This method for mirror gazing is itself very easy. Here is the method:

 

Dr. Raymond Moody's Method for Contacting the Other Side

1.

Eliminate caffeine and dairy products the day before to get into a more peaceful state of mind. Eat simply such as only fruit and vegetables.

2.

Wear only loose, comfortable clothing. Remove your wristwatch and all jewelry.

3.

Go to the quietest and most comfortable part of your house where you can relax in privacy. Unplug clocks and phones in that room so that you won't be disturbed. Place a large mirror in front of your chair and arrange it so that you can gaze into it without having to hold your eyes at an uncomfortable angle.

4.

For about 15 minutes, create a mood by soothing yourself with beautiful art or listening to soft music. Art and music alone is enough to induce altered states in many people.

5.

Have photographs and personal items of your loved one around you. Focus your thoughts on them to imprint your loved one firmly in your mind. A family album filled with great memories can do the trick. Home videos do the same thing. Some people hold articles of clothing associated with the person. Other items might include your loved one's fishing pole, hobby tools, tobacco pipe, eyeglasses, old letters, etc. Anything associated with your loved one is an effective way of bringing up memories and feelings.

6.

The twilight hour is a time that seems to better inspire altered states in many people. Dim the lights to a comfortable level. Having a dim light behind you while you are sitting in front of the mirror usually works the best.

7.

Sit in a comfortable chair that will support the back of your head, even if you're deeply relaxed. A comfortable posture is very important. The goal is to ease into an altered state of awareness.

8.

Relax and gaze into the clear depth of the mirror without trying to see anything. Some compare this to looking off into the distance. If you are properly relaxed, your arms will feel very heavy and the tips of your fingers might tingle as though they are slightly charged with electricity. According to Moody, this tingling feeling almost always signals the beginning of the hypnagogic state (i.e., the preferred altered consciousness).

9.

The mirror may appear cloudy. Some people describe it as resembling a cloudy sky on a cloudy day. Others report that the mirror becomes darker. Whatever is the case, this change in the clarity of the mirror signals that visions are about to appear.

10.

Try not to control the experience with your thoughts or say anything when the visions appear. At this point, it is best to first experience things passively. Just let the experience and the visions flow. Attempting to control any visions with your thoughts after they appear will usually cause them to fade away. Moody said he is not sure why this happens, but he guesses that conscious thought brings a person out of the hypnagogic state of mind when these visions are able to appear.

11.

Once you become more adept at mirror gazing, it can be very helpful to have specific questions in your mind before entering the trance state. Then when the visions occur, you can pose your questions.

 

According to Moody, the visions usually last less than a minute, especially for those unable to stay relaxed. Some of Dr. Moody's subjects have been able to experience visions for as long as ten minutes on their first attempt. The more proficient a person becomes at mirror gazing, the longer these visions will appear in the mirror.

Sometimes you may not see anything, yet hear your departed person talk or feel their touch. Some people experience all the sensations of being reunited with their loved one without actually seeing anything. Some people, such as Nostradamus, describe a sensation of actually entering into the mirror and having the visions come out with you. Whatever the type of experience you have, it will be obvious when the visions begin and when they are over.

Moody recommends that people record the experience immediately after the session as you would a dream. Write it down in as much detail as possible. Practice makes perfect. If the visions do not occur during a session, there may be factors involved. The most common reason for failing to see anything is trying too hard. Moody states that people sometimes report experiencing visions once they give up trying. Distractions are another common reason that visions fail to occur. These may include outside noise and/or physical discomfort. Perhaps the room is too hot or too cold. Distractions also take place in the form of diet. Some people just cannot have visionary experiences after eating a heavy meal. A light meal is recommended because it elevates your blood sugar and keeps you from focusing on hunger. Moody also emphasizes that exercise is an important component of relaxation. He states that most people are much more relaxed after exercise - even gentle exercise. Lack of exercise can make it difficult for you to relax and let your mind wander while mirror gazing. Some people who meditate are aware of having such visions while they meditate and consider them an interesting by-product. 

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12. How can I contact my loved one on the Other Side through an out-of-body experience?

Scientific studies suggests that out-of-body experiences (OBEs) occur during the dream phase of sleep. There are also time-honored methods to train your body to have an OBE. During an OBE, it is possible to meet with deceased family and friends in the same way that it is possible during dreams. I profile on my website the near-death experience of Dr. Dianne Morrissey who, after her near-death experience, would have spontaneous OBEs. She is now an expert in the field and teaches students how to have them at colleges around the country. In her book "You Can See The Light" she shares a very easy method that anyone can use to have OBEs - including one where the so-called "Being of Light" can be seen. Dr. Melvin Morse, the famed near-death researcher, has this to say about this method: "I tried it, and it worked for me!" Here are the steps:

 

 
Dr. Dianne Morrissey's Method for Contacting the Other Side
 

1.

Begin to record in a journal every dream you have. Soon, you'll begin to see themes and patterns, such as "flying dreams" or "lucid" dreams. These are signals that you may be out of your body.

2.

During the day, imagine yourself actually having an out-of-body experience while dreaming later that night. Choose the place or person you want to visit, and then visualize the desired image vividly in your mind.

3.

Before going to sleep or meditating, tell yourself that you will have an out-of-body experience.

4.

Just before actually falling asleep or meditating, see again in your mind's eye who or where you have chosen to visit while out of body. This might be a specific geographic location, a room in your home, or someone you love.

5.

While lying in bed, suggest to yourself that you will see your hand and/or foot while you are dreaming. Also remind yourself to notice the camera you have placed nearby when you return to your bed during your out-of-body experience.

6.

Tell yourself that your physical body will fall asleep, but that your mind will stay awake. This will allow you to observe any dream that begins. Or, you might remind yourself to awaken your conscious mind during your dream, even while your body remains physically asleep.

7.

Once you are aware that you are actually out of your body, keep your destination in the forefront of your mind and immediately go to it. Dr. Morrissey knows from her own experiences, as well as from those of thousands of others, that you can leave your body, reach your destination, and then return safely again and again. In the process, your fear of death will be replaced by a deep appreciation of the wonderful opportunities awaiting every day you spend on Earth. The following are some keys that will help you recognize when you are having an out-of-body experience during sleep.

8.

Watch for the "hypnogogic jolt" as you begin to fall asleep. This is the sudden jerk of your body just as you are falling asleep. Note especially when you think you moved, but later find that you did not. On these occasions, you have been out-of-body.

9.

Be aware, before you go to bed, that you might feel as if you're vibrating from head to foot. If vibrations begin, relax and just allow them to occur, knowing that you are moving into an out-of-body experience.

10.

Watch for the paralysis stage that occurs spontaneously during sleep. At this point, you will already be partly out of your body. If, at that time, you think strongly about someone you love, you'll fly to wherever that person is and see him or her. You will also know that you are asleep and conscious within your dream.

11.

Begin to notice occasions on which you find yourself awakening twice. In other words, the first time you think you are awake, you will be awake within your dream. Right after that, you will be physically awakened. You might need a moment to realize that you were not out of bed after all, but still asleep, even though the experience seemed so real!

12.

When you can, use lucid dreaming to direct your dreams and bring yourself to a chosen person, situation, or destination. Guiding your dreams is not only possible, but a time-tested, scientific reality. This important technique can help you create a memorable out-of-body experience - and possibly bring you into the presence of loved ones on the other side, angelic beings, and even the Light itself.

13.

You can recognize a lucid dream by talking aloud to yourself to see your hand or foot or camera during a dream. When this occurs, you'll be aware that you're dreaming, and you can then guide your dream. Place a camera where you'll see it when you enter your bedroom, and tell yourself before you go to bed that, while dreaming, you will pick up the camera when you pass it, and "take a picture of your dream." Using the device of the camera has two purposes. First, you might find that when you pick up the camera, your hand goes right through it. The oddity of seeing your hand go through a solid object can trigger your awareness that you're out of your body. Second the camera can help you remember your dream when you awaken in the morning because you "took a picture" of it while you were asleep.

14.

You can expect that once you are having an out-of-body experience during sleep, you'll be able to meet a radiant angelic being or see the Light. This experience will truly change your life. When it occurs, you will know without doubt that you and the Light are eternally connected. Your angel will pour Light into you and envelop you in love.

 
  There are also methods to induce a near-death experience and I have a list of them on my website.

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13. How can I contact my loved one on the Other Side through after-death communications?

Always watch for after-death communications after a loved one dies. It is not unusual anyway for people to receive a "sign from heaven" that there loved one continues to exist and are fine. It may not occur right away either. Some people have them years after their loved one's death. A large number of people have reportedly received such a sign after a loved ones death. I have already mentioned dream visitations. You may also experience a sudden and powerful sense of their presence in a room. You may suddenly and unexpectedly hear their voice. You may suddenly feel their touch or smell their fragrance. Usually these things occur during a very special event which may provide a highly meaningful coincidence that affirms to you that contact has been made. There is even a name for this kind of meaningful coincidence. It is called "synchronicity". Sometimes, synchronistic events such as these are so subtle that they either go unnoticed or are dismissed as mere coincidence. Some people report having seen their loved one after their death in the form of an apparition or vision. This kind of contact resembles the kind of after-death communication that Jesus' disciples experienced after his death. To learn more about after-death communications, I highly recommend the book "Hello From Heaven" by Bill and Judy Guggenheim which documents tons of examples of these. Had I not read this book before my mother's death, I may not have recognized the large number of synchronistic events that occurred to my family after my mother's death. The book is also an excellent gift to give someone who has just lost a loved one. It is for this reason that I constantly promote this book. It is one of the best books I have ever read.

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14. How can I contact my loved one on the Other Side through a psychic?

There are very special individuals who have been blessed with an extraordinary gift which has been proven genuine to the minds of millions of open-minded people. Some of them have been tested in the media. Some of them have been involved in scientific studied that prove they are extremely accurate. But because of their tremendous psychic abilities in contacting those on the other side, these highly gifted mediums are in great demand. It may not be easy to get on their list for a reading, but persistent and patient individuals will be greatly rewarded.

Because the psychic profession is filled with fraud and abuse (which profession is not?) I recommend only the psychics who have been tested such as John Edward and George Anderson. The information on how you can contact them is provided below. 

George Anderson is widely considered the world's greatest living medium, and remains the world's most sought after practitioner among those who wish to communicate with lost loved ones. He has garnered a worldwide reputation for excellence with his mediumistic ability. You can contact him through: Anderson's Support Programs, P.O. Box 733, Deer Park, New York 11729, website: www.georgeanderson.com

John Edward is known worldwide through his television show called "Crossing Over". You can contact him through his website at: www.johnedward.net

 
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15. How can I better cope with grief and loss?

When my mother died, I became very depressed and eventually had to be hospitalized. But because I and my family have a history of depression, I knew what was happening to me when I became depressed. Unfortunately, many people go untreated and may not know there is help. If you have these symptoms:

Extreme sadness, crying spells, insomnia, bizarre thoughts, a desire to remain in bed all the time, suicidal thoughts, and feelings of isolation.

 

These are signs that you are clinically depressed. The best advice to give anyone experiencing these things is to tell your doctor and get a prescription of anti-depressants. It may be a matter of life or death. You can read about my own transition through grief and loss at this web page: www.near-death.com/visions.html

There are the many good internet resources dealing with grief and loss. Here are the best links I know of:

 

 
Internet Links on Grief and Loss
 

1.

GriefNet.org - Persons Dealing with Grief, Death, and Loss:  www.griefnet.org

2.

Growth House - Guide to Dying, Grief, Bereavement, and End-of-Life:  www.growthhouse.org

3.

Grief Expert Dr. David Kessler's Site on Grief and Dying:  www.grief.com

4.

Association for Death Education and Counseling:  www.adec.org

5.

Open To Hope - Support for Dealing with Grief, Loss, Bereavement:  www.opentohope.com

6.

About.com's Loss, Grief and Bereavement:  dying.about.com/od/lossgrief/

7.

Beyond Indigo's Bereavement Support Groups:  forums.grieving.com

8.

BeliefNet's Grief and Loss Resources:  www.beliefnet.com/Health/Health-Support/Grief-and-Loss/

9.

The Light Beyond - Bereavement Forums:  www.thelightbeyond.com/forum/

10.

Centering Corporation - Your Grief Resource Center:  www.centering.org

11.

HelpGuide's Support for Coping with Grief and Loss:  www.helpguide.org/mental/grief_loss.htm

12.

Bereaved Parents of the USA:  www.bereavedparentsusa.org

13.

National Organization for Parents of Murdered Children (POMC):  www.pomc.com

14.

National Alliance for Grieving Children:  www.childrengrieve.org

15. Association for Pet Loss and Bereavement:  www.aplb.org
16. SAVE: Suicide Prevention Information and Depression Awareness:  www.save.org
17. National Organization for Victim Assistance (NOVA):  www.trynova.org
   
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Links to Evidence of Life After Death
 
1. International Association of Near-Death Studies:  www.iands.org

2.

Scientific Evidence for Survival of Consciousness After Death:  www.near-death.com/evidence.html

3.

The NDE and Science - Research Conclusions:  www.near-death.com/experiences/research08.html

4.

The Scientific Evidence for Reincarnation:  www.near-death.com/reincarnation.html

5.

Six Studies of Out-Of-Body Experiences - by Dr. Charles Tart:  www.near-death.com/tart.html

6.

Near-Death Experiences Research Foundation:  www.nderf.org

7.

Out-of-Body Experiences Research Foundation:  www.oberf.org

8.

After-Death Experiences Research Foundation:  www.adcrf.org

9.

Evidence for the Afterlife - Spiritual Development:  sites.google.com/site/chs4o8pt/summary_of_evidence

10.

The International Survivalist Society - Survival articles:  www.survivalafterdeath.info

11.

Scientific Evidence Based Mediumship, Life After Death and ADCs:  survivalscience.50megs.com

12.

Scientific Proof of Survival After Death - By Michael Roll:
www.cfpf.org.uk/articles/background/scientificproof/scientificproof1.html

13.

A Lawyer Presents the Case for the Afterlife - Victor Zammit:  www.victorzammit.com/book/

14.

Famous Cardiac Surgeon's Stories of Near Death Experiences in Surgery:
www.youtube.com/watch?v=JL1oDuvQR08

15.

The Case for Life After Death - by Professor Peter Kreeft:  www.leaderu.com/truth/1truth28.html
16. The Roots of Consciousness - by Jeffrey Mishlove, PhD:  www.williamjames.com/Intro/CONTENTS.htm

17.

Revising the Survival Research Paradigm by Michael Grosso:  www.nidsci.org/articles/grosso.html

18.

Nature's Mind: Quantum Hologram - by Edgar Mitchell, Sc.D.:
www.nidsci.org/articles/mitchell_hologram.html (archive)

19.

Scientific Proof of the Existence of God - an interview with Amit Goswami by Craig Hamilton:
www.amitgoswami.org/scientific-proof-existence-god/

20.

Compatibility of Contemporary Physical Theory with Personal Survival (Physicist Henry Stapp):
www-physics.lbl.gov/~stapp/Compatibility.pdf

21.

Human Immortality - by William James:
http://www.survivalafterdeath.info/articles/james/immortality.htm

22.

Science and the Near-Death Experience - by Chris Carter: www.scienceandtheneardeathexperience.com

23.

Science and the Afterlife Experience - by Chris Carter: www.scienceandtheafterlifeexperience.com

24.

Parapsychology and the Skeptics - by Chris Carter: www.parapsychologyandtheskeptics.com
   
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"When the heart weeps for what it has lost, the soul laughs for what it has found." - Sufi aphorism

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