|A Rescue From Hell By Jesus
I didn't know if I was even in the world. But I did know that
I was here. I was real, all my senses worked too painfully well.
I didn't know how I had arrived here. There was no direction
to follow even if I had been physically able to move. The agony
that I had suffered during the day was nothing compared to what
I was feeling now. I knew then that this was the absolute end
of my existence, and it was more horrible than anything I could
possibly have imagined.
Then a most unusual thing happened. I
heard very clearly, once again in my own voice, something that
I had learned in nursery Sunday School. It was the little song, "Jesus
loves me, yes I know ..." and it kept repeating. I don't
know why, but all of a sudden I wanted to believe that. Not
having anything left, I wanted to cling to that thought. And
I, inside, screamed, "Jesus, please save me."
That thought was screamed with every
ounce of strength and feeling left in me.
When I did that, I saw, off in the darkness
somewhere, the tiniest little star. Not knowing what it was,
I presumed it must be a comet or a meteor, because it was moving
rapidly. Then I realized it was coming toward me. It was getting
very bright, rapidly.
When the light came near, its radiance
spilled over me, and I just rose up not with my effort
I just lifted up. Then I saw and I saw this very plainly
I saw all my wounds, all my tears, all my brokenness, melt away.
And I became whole in this radiance.
What I did was to cry uncontrollably.
I was crying, not out of sadness, but because I was feeling
things that I had never felt before in my life.
Another thing happened. Suddenly I knew
a whole bunch of things. I knew things ... I knew that this
light, this radiance, knew me. I don't know how to explain to
you that I knew it knew me, I just did. As a matter of fact,
I understood that it knew me better than my mother or father
did. The luminous entity that embraced me knew me intimately
and began to communicate a tremendous sense of knowledge. I
knew that he knew everything about me and I was being unconditionally
loved and accepted.
The light conveyed to me that it loved
me in a way that I can't begin to express. It loved me in a
way that I had never known that love could possibly be. He was
a concentrated field of energy, radiant in splendor indescribable,
except to say goodness and love. This was more loving than one
I knew that this radiant being was powerful.
It was making me feel so good all over. I could feel its light
on me like very gentle hands around me. And I could feel
it holding me. But it was loving me with overwhelming power.
After what I had been through, to be completely known, accepted,
and intensely loved by this Being of Light surpassed anything
I had known or could have imagined. I began to cry and the tears
kept coming and coming. And we, I and this light, went up and
out of there.
We started going faster and faster, out
of the darkness. Embraced by the light, feeling wonderful and
crying, I saw off in the distance something that looked like
the picture of a galaxy, except that it was larger and there
were more stars than I had seen on Earth.
There was a great center of brilliance.
In the center there was an enormously bright concentration.
Outside the center countless millions of spheres of light were
flying about entering and leaving what was a great being-ness
at the center. It was off in the distance.
Then I ... I didn't say it, I thought
it. I said, "Put me back."
What I meant by telling the light to
put me back, was to put me back into the pit. I was so ashamed
of who I was, and what I had been all of my life, that all I
wanted to do was hide in the darkness. I didn't want to go toward
the light anymore – I did; yet I didn't. How many times in my
life had I denied and scoffed at the reality before me, and
how many thousands of times had I used it as a curse. What incredible
intellectual arrogance to use the name as an insult. I
was afraid to go closer. I was also aware that the incredible
intensity of the emanations might disintegrate what I still
experienced as my intact physical body.
The being who was supporting me, my friend,
was aware of my fear and reluctance and shame. For the first
time he spoke to my mind in a male voice and told me that if
I was uncomfortable we didn't have to go closer. So we
stopped where we were, still countless miles away from the Great
For the first time, my friend, and I
will refer to him in that context hereafter, said to me, "You
[Webmaster note: Howard believes his
friend was Jesus.]
Facing all the splendor made me acutely
aware of my lowly condition. My response was: "No, you've made
a mistake, put me back."
And he said, "We don't make mistakes.
Then he called out in a musical tone
to the luminous entities who surrounded the great center. Several
came and circled around us. During what follows some came and
went but normally there were five or six and sometimes as many
as eight with us.
I was still crying. One of the first
things these marvelous beings did was to ask, all with thought,
"Are you afraid of us?"
I told them I wasn't.
They said that they could turn their
brilliance down and appear as people, and I told them to stay
as they were. They were the most beautiful, the most ...
As an aside, I'm an artist. There are
three primary, three secondary, and six tertiary colors in the
visible light spectrum. Here, I was seeing a visible light spectrum
with at least 80 new primary colors. I was also seeing this
brilliance. It's disappointing for me to try and describe, because
I can't I was seeing colors that I had never seen before.
What these beings were showing me was
their glory. I wasn't really seeing them. And I was perfectly
content. Having come from a world of shapes and forms, I was
delighted with this new, formless, world. These beings were
giving me what I needed at that time.
To my surprise, and also distress, they
seemed to be capable of knowing everything I was thinking. I
didn't know whether I would be capable of controlling my thoughts
and keeping anything secret.
We began to engage in thought exchange,
conversation that was very natural, very easy and casual. I
heard their voices clearly and individually. They each had a
distinct personality with a voice, but they spoke directly to
my mind, not my ears. And they used normal, colloquial
English. Everything I thought, they knew.
They all seemed to know and understand
me very well and to be completely familiar with my thoughts
and my past. I didn't feel any desire to ask for someone I had
known because they all knew me. Nobody could know me any better.
It also didn't occur to me to try to identify them as uncle
or grandfather. It was like going to a large gathering of relatives
at Christmas and not being quite able to remember their names
or who they are married to or how they are connected to you.
But you do know that you are with your family. I don't know
if they were related to me or not. It felt like they were closer
to me than anyone I had ever known.
Throughout my conversation with the luminous
beings, which lasted for what seemed like a very long time,
I was being physically supported by the being in whom I had
been engulfed. We were in a sense completely stationary yet
hanging in space. Everywhere around us were countless radiant
beings, like stars in the sky, coming and going. It was like
a super magnified view of a galaxy super packed with stars.
And in the giant radiance of the center they were packed so
densely together that individuals could not be identified. Their
selves were in such harmony with the Creator that they were
really just one.
One of the reasons, I was told, that
all the countless beings had to go back to their source was
to become invigorated with this sense of harmony and oneness.
Being apart for too long a time diminished them and made them
feel separate. Their greatest pleasure was to go back to the
sources of all life.
Our initial conversation involved them
simply trying to comfort me.
Something that disturbed me was that
I was naked. Somewhere in the darkness I'd lost my hospital
gown. I was a human being. I had a body. They told me this was
okay. They were quite familiar with my anatomy. Gradually I
relaxed and stopped trying to cover my privates with my hands.
Next, they wanted to talk about my life.
To my surprise my life played out before me, maybe six or eight
feet in front of me, from beginning to end. The life review
was very much in their control, and they showed me my life,
but not from my point of view. I saw me in my life and this
whole thing was a lesson, even though I didn't know it at the
time. They were trying to teach me something, but I didn't know
it was a teaching experience, because I didn't know that I would
be coming back.
We just watched my life from beginning
to the end. Some things they slowed down on, and zoomed in on
and other things they went right through. My life was shown
in a way that I had never thought of before. All of the things
that I had worked to achieve, the recognition that I had worked
for, in elementary school, in high school, in college, and in
my career, they meant nothing in this setting.
I could feel their feelings of sorrow
and suffering, or joy, as my life's review unfolded. They didn't
say that something was bad or good, but I could feel it. And
I could sense all those things they were indifferent to. They
didn't, for example, look down on my high school shot-put record.
They just didn't feel anything towards it, nor towards other
things which I had taken so much pride in.
What they responded to was how I had
interacted with other people. That was the long and short of
it. Unfortunately, most of my interactions with other people
didn't measure up with how I should have interacted, which was
in a loving way.
Whenever I did react during my life in
a loving way they rejoiced.
Most of the time I found that my interactions
with other people had been manipulative. During my professional
career, for example, I saw myself sitting in my office, playing
the college professor, while a student came to me with a personal
problem. I sat there looking compassionate, and patient, and
loving, while inside I was bored to death. I would check my
watch under my desk as I anxiously waited for the student to
I got to go through all those kinds of
experiences in the company of these magnificent beings.
When I was a teenager my father's career
put him into a high-stress, twelve-hour-a-day job. Out of my
resentment because of his neglect of me, when he came home from
work, I would be cold and indifferent toward him. This made
him angry, and it gave me further excuse to feel hatred toward
him. He and I fought, and my mother would get upset.
Most of my life I had felt that my father
was the villain and I was the victim. When we reviewed my life
I got to see how I had precipitated so much of that, myself.
Instead of greeting him happily at the end of a day, I was continually
putting thorns in him in order to justify my hurt.
I got to see when my sister had a bad
night one night, how I went into her bedroom and put my arms
around her. Not saying anything, I just lay there with my arms
around her. As it turned out that experience was one of the
biggest triumphs of my life.