have an ex-life and a new life. My ex-life ended
when I tried to take my own life with over 70
medicinal tablets, over 26 of which were aspirin
500 mg. That night I had a "before-death experience."
It was dark everywhere
yet there were sparkles all around like little
stars. I was sitting (don't know on what, it
was like there was no ground or nothing beneath
me) and was not breathing or feeling anything.
When I tried to touch my body, my hand went
right through it. It was a place of so much
love, peace and joy. I did not want to move
or come back from there.
Then I saw one "Person"
come to me. He was dressed with old brown clothing
like cloak or gown. A rope was around his waist
and he looked like a monk with a hood covering
his head and straps on his sandals. He was what
I would say a very Biblical looking person.
There was something about him, as if he was
the Peace, Love and Joy of that place.
Then he said to me
without a voice or sound but in my innermost
being, "You are going to go back!"
I wanted to say something
like, "I do not want to," but I could not say
a thing. It was like absolute nothing to argue
Then he said to me
the most amazing thing, "You will go to the
Christians and they will show you and teach
you how to be with me. We will be together soon."
I wanted to say, "But
I am Jewish."
"Yes," he said. "You
weren't thinking much about being Jewish when
trying to commit suicide, weren't you?"
There was deep shame
in me for that action, as it is now, yet little
did I know where I was heading from there.
Then I saw intensified
Light and to my surprise I woke up. I was ok,
just a little drowsy. So I phoned a doctor friend
of mine. He said that it was very foolish of
me and that he must phone an ambulance quickly.
At the hospital, the
doctors told me the amount of aspirin I took
should have killed me, yet they found no trace
of drugs in my blood.
I was released from
the hospital the next day as the doctors found
no physical damage of concern to my body and
concluded that I was just circumstantially depressed.
I cried non-stop for 3 days as if it would not
stop - that it would go on forever. I was a
fool in my disastrous, but merciful failure
to end my life because of my wife's request
to divorce me.