Nadia McCaffrey's Near-Death Experiences
|My Near-Death Experiences by Nadia McCaffrey
is July 7th, 1952 and I am seven years old. I am a lonely child
with a lot of questions and an immense desire for learning.
Every year I spend my vacation from the convent school with
my mother's parents at Le Prieure de Beauvezet, their estate
in the Province d'Auvergne in France.
The main building
of Le Prieure is at least four centuries old. It was first a
chapel and later became a monastery with its surrounding cemetery.
Some of the old walls are 1.5 meters thick. Over the centuries,
the monastery became a large, elegant house encircled by an
interesting park of lilacs, rare plants and trees.
master house, now occupied by my grandparents, is located on
the very top of a hill built by human labor. Here was once a "tour
de guet" - a tower designed to provide a view of anyone
or anything coming from far away. There is still an underground
passage which was once a means of escape in case of an invasion.
At the foot of this steep hillside is a grove of wild cherry
trees. Next to it is a dry stone retaining wall built with the
stones once used for the watchtower. This is where I am standing,
just at the edge of the wall. I have been playing in the meadow,
picking flowers here and there. I simply love flowers, especially
the wild sweet peas that are growing in colorful profusion among
the tall golden stalks of wheat. I am looking out into the wheat
field, seeing the bright spots of color - red coquelicot, blue
bachelor's buttons and the sweet peas which seem to beckon me
into the field.
Feeling overwhelmed by the wheat, which
seems to tower over my head, I am debating whether I can get
to the flowers. Of course I can! I can't resist. I run into
the field, into the tall, thick grasses. Suddenly, I stop. I
have disturbed a red aspic or asp viper - a deadly snake once
used by Cleopatra to exit this dimension. It stays perfectly
still for a long moment, then curls on its tail in a perfect
circle. Its upper body stands straight up and its two piercing
eyes stare deep into my soul. I am petrified! I want to scream
but I can't move. A horrible pain suddenly floods my senses
and as the snake undulates away very fast, two tiny spots of
blood appear on my left ankle. I start screaming long, piercing
and extremely loud sounds of death.
Fear is not present
but only the recognition of the fact that I know. I just know
that death is near. I try walking up the steep hillside, but
my steps became so difficult... and then impossible. I drop
down upon the grass. At this moment, my grandmother comes running
down the hill. Not wanting to frighten her, I say, "Un
serpent m'a mordu." (A snake bit me...) But she knew.
She sat next to me, took off her long black apron and with
her two hands made long narrow rags. With one hand at each leg
she began twisting them into tourniquets. She then circled my
upper leg with the twisted cloth and made a knot. She then grabbed
a stick lying nearby on the ground. She used the stick to twist
the cloth tightly around my leg, slowing the flow of blood to
the heart. After making the tourniquet, she removed my sandal,
raised my left ankle to her mouth and began sucking out the
venom. By this time I was drifting in an out of consciousness.
Having done what she could, my grandmother picked me up,
carried me to the house and gently laid me on a chaise lounge
after which I began vomiting without stop.
In 1952 my
grandparents did not have a telephone or a car so at the sound
of my horrible screams, my grandfather Leon had left the house
on his bike. He rode like the wind to a public telephone at
the other end of the village, more than two kilometers from
Overcome by the poison, I slipped into an
unconsciousness state. When I regained consciousness for a short
time, I found myself in my grandfather's bed and the bedroom
I could see the two doctors attending me who
had come as a result of grandfather's urgent pleas. On doctor,
Dr. Nenon, insisted on giving me an injection of vaccine Pasteur,
while the second and older doctor (Dr. Fayolle) felt that it
wouldn't do any good.
After a long argument, the younger
doctor prevailed and they gave me the injection. As one held
me down, I felt the sting of the needle in the lower right side
of my abdomen just below my belly button after which I slipped
into a coma that lasted for 10 days.
While in the coma,
I was oblivious to the real around me, but I was oddly award
that I had left this dimension. It was then that I saw a beautiful
being of light: the Lady of Light, hovering above in the room,
who introduced herself to me as:
"Je suis ta petite Maman
"I am your little mother
of the sky."
was so beautiful. I still see her so clearly, as though she
was standing in mid air, glowing with an extremely bright and
powerful light. A wondrous light that filled me with loving
and warm sense of serenity. Mere words fail me when I try to
describe the feeling of well being and love I felt in the presence
of her light. Some how "I Knew it all, the universal mind
of creation, the infinity of it all, I was part of it, I am
part of it. The Love that the Lady of Light give me is so powerful
and peaceful that it must be passed on to others. Some how I
understand that this Love is what will save us, we must care
for one-another and spread compassion in our world of sadness
Leaving my body in my bed, I began floating
in her direction. She then smiled very softly and opened her
arms. She held up the palms of her hands helping me to understand
that I should not come towards her. I could see that she wanted
me to listen to what she had to say.
forte aimons nous les uns les autres. Cet amour
que j'ai pour toi seme le a la ronde. Il y a beaucoup
de facon d'aimer. N'ai jamais peur tu seras guidee.
Je serai toujours avec toi. Tu ne peux rester pres
de moi maintenant. Tu devras montrer le chemin.
Tu vas etre l'espoir. Au milieu d'un jardin tu verras
une rose plus rouge et plus belle que toutes les
autres. Lorsque le temps sera venu tu feras connaitre
mon message. Me parler est prier. Prier est aimer."
"Be strong and let's all love one another. Please
share this love I have for you with others. There
are many ways to love. Do not fear, as you will
be guided. I will be with you always. You cannot
stay with me now. You will show the way. You will
be hope. In the middle of a garden you will see
a rose, more colorful and beautiful than all the
others. When the time will come, you will open yourself
to others and share this message of love. To speak
to me is prayer and to pray is to love."
Before returning to my body, I remember looking
upon gray, sickly state and feeling no pain or discomfort.
Later, while still in the coma she again visited me and
just as before I left my body to join and she held out her hand
and again repeated the same exact message as before but with
one additional thought:
"Il faut maintenant nous
separer et toi revenir a la vie. Tu as beaucoup
a apprendre et beaucoup a accomplir. Mon amour sera
toujours avec toi, n'oublie jamais."
"And you will now return to life. You have a lot
to learn, and a lot to accomplish. My love will
always be with you. Never forget."
Looking back one last time, I saw a long
white gown with a cord knotted around her waist. Her head and
shoulders were draped in blue material. There was a live green
snake at her feet and a tear shaped drop of blood on her right
foot. Both her arms were extended toward me with her palms up
and her head was slightly bowed to the side. Slowly both her
arms came to rest on her chest crossing each other.
wanted so very much to curl up in her arms, to remain with her
rather than returning to my body, but I had no choice! My body
claimed me and was immediately overwhelmed by pain and sadness.
I was unable to completely understand what had happened
to me and had to stay in bed for several weeks. My leg had swollen
to three times its normal size, which frightened me because
it was the same mottled color as the snake that had bit me.
Consequently, I refused to talk with anyone. I hated being back
in this dimension and I was filled with resentment and longing
to slip out of my painful and disfigured body.
that year, after my recovery, I learned that an adult will survive
only twenty minutes after being bitten by the asp and that I
had stayed over two hours without the serum.
was a healer and applied several natural remedies and herbs
on my leg, which helped. After the swelling went down and I
could finally stand up again, and it was a great victory. People
said it was a miracle that I had survived.
learned how to walk with a cane, but my body took months to
recover. However, my spirit did not heal as quickly.
Once I had fully recovered, the Institute Pasteur of Paris sent
a crew of herpetologists to investigate the incident. Asps were
known to be in the south of France, but not in the center where
I had been bitten. I asked if I could accompany them and watched
as they captured some of the snakes.
They used a forked
stick with a wire noose, which they slipped over the head of
the snake and pulled tight to prevent its escape. Holding the
asp tightly behind its head with two fingers, the men forced
open its jaw and the two deadly hooks let forth a stream of
creamy venom into a glass container.
Over thirty snakes
were captured, put into bags and taken to a laboratory for further
study. One huge serpent was found a few steps away from the
house in an ancient rosebush. He was the last one captured and
brought the total to thirty-one snakes.
After some time
passed I started asking Therese for some explanation about the
beautiful lady Lady of Light. I desperately needed some information
about my experience.
She seemed startled by my account,
and was filled with fear and horror by what I had told her.
She cautioned me, "people would not understand. They would
put you away forever if you tell anyone about this." From
that day on, she thought that I was possessed and never let
me forget it until the day she died.
It is now 1960 and
I am 15 years old. People think that I am beautiful and bright,
but what they do not know is that I do not want to be alive.
Although I was very popular, I pushed people away from me
and felt that my experience made me different and isolated me
from other people. I was not able to share the way I felt with
anyone and ended up hurting people as I rejected their offers
After seeing the Lady of Light, being
back was anything but easy. I was all right at first, thinking
that she would be back. I wanted desperately to return to the
light, to her and to her total love.
In a tree in the
park there was a hollow spot where a limb had been removed and
into it I placed a statue of the Virgin of Lourdes. It comforted
me to visit her there where I could recall her memory and express
my love by bringing her flowers. On the wall in my grandmother's
bedroom was another picture of Mary that reminded me of her
and I talked to it, keeping hope alive, wishing that she would
speak to me or show me a sign.
My teenage years were
neither happy nor good. I was a rebel fighting everything and
everyone. The sisters at the Catholic school I attended didn't
know what to do with me and my grandmother constantly fought.
I was also very resentful of my own mother who I seldom saw,
and was determined not to accept any comfort or support from
In 1960, after this years of unhappy anger and resentment
that I could never share my experience with an empathetic soul,
my desire to return to the light became so powerful that I attempted
suicide. My suicide attempt was with pharmaceutical drugs. I
had found bottles of pills and syrups marked with red skeleton
warnings on the labels. They were hidden in my great grandmother's
house. These drugs had belonged to my great-grandmother, Marie
Vauru, who had long since passed away. Her medicine had been
forgotten on the dark top shelf of the pantry.
the entire contents of approximately 15 bottles and became violently
ill. I vomited and lost consciousness. One of my family members
found me and took me to a local hospital where the doctors pumped
my stomach. After recovering from the physical effects, I was
returned under the supervision of a psychiatrist.
months later, I discovered that several bottles of my great
grandmother's pills still remained. Apparently, no one in my
family had thought to remove them.
As the saying goes, "if
at first you do not succeed, try again" and that is exactly
what I did. However, I took a more sophisticated approach and
methodically calculated the dosage necessary to end my life.
Oddly enough, a girlfriend, Antoinette, from the village
came to visit, hoping to borrow a schoolbook. Her boyfriend
Daniel drove her to my house and waited for her outside while
she ran up to my room. When she opened the door, she found me
on top of my bed and dressed in the most beautiful ball gown.
I showed no signs of life, but I did have a feeble pulse. Antoinette
and Daniel quickly bundled me into the car and to the Clinic
Jeanne D'Arc, a small local hospital in Vichy.
the moment I had taken the poison until the moment I arrived
at the hospital was approximately two hours.
had just wheeled me into the emergency room when once more;
I was out of my body. I floated there for awhile, and looked
down at lifeless body on the gurney. However, the real me had
become a comfortable glowing shape.
For a while, I watched
on as the nurses and doctors worked quickly to revive me. Then,
I lost interest and my attention turned towards a long dark
tunnel. At the end of the tunnel was a very bright light and
I floated to the opening. Once inside, I moved with what seemed
to be an extraordinary and effortless speed, and finally reached
My thoughts were dominated by one clear thought: "Oh,
the light, the peace, the extraordinary feeling of love. Once
more I am in it." Then an extremely powerful and loud man's
voice told me to go back because I had work to do. Then, I began
going back and there was nothing I could do to stop it.
My next moment as a conscious realization of terrible pain
and sadness as I lay upon the gurney. One of the nurses, an
older kindly woman, was crying because she thought that I had
died (without coming back)
I later learned that the
doctors could not detect a pulse for approximately ten minutes
and that they had given up on me. They were actually removing
the tubes and needles from my body when my vital signs returned.
Surprised, they quickly resumed their efforts and worked feverishly
to stabilize my condition.
In the hours that followed,
the fog of pain that dominated every breath could not prevent
my sadness. Not sadness for what I had done, but for what I
had failed to achieve. From the outside in, I was young beautiful
intelligent woman with all the promise of springtime. However,
from the inside out, I was a prisoner in a gilded cage made
of flesh and bones.
The sense of isolation we feel as
humans is a lonely experience. Our serenity comes to us in small
pieces. Like hungry animals we must savor each morsel with gratitude,
knowing that beyond this life we will find limitless serenity
and love. As much as I wanted that, I was forced to realize
that I had been tasked and that I would not be allowed to shirk
from my responsibility. My choice was simple. I could live a
twisted life full of bitterness, or I could accept my responsibility
with an open heart.
One might think that such a decision
would take many years of agonizing, yet it was as though I simply
thrown a switch and turned on a new light -- the light of my
own responsibility. Since that day, I've not once contemplated
This experience changed my life completely.
Once I understood that I couldn't go back, I stopped fighting
with the world and began trying to pass on the love that I received
to those around me.
In my work with the terminally ill,
I draw upon my own experiences for the benefit of those who
are making their transition to another dimension. Having lost
my own fear of death long ago, I know with every fiber of my
being that love can never fail us. It is this certainty that
I can pass along to people who are dying and to those that are
troubled and in turmoil. -
Children of the Fifth World: A Guide to
the Coming Changes in Human
Connecting recent events and cultural
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calendars, and historical records from
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Atwater shows how the genetic shift now
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Shift from old world to new.
Also Available In Kindle Format
Near-Death Experiences: The Rest of the
Story: What They Teach Us About Living
and Dying and Our True Purpose
An international authority on near-death
states, Dr. Atwater uses the culmination
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near-death phenomenon is not some kind
of anomaly, but is rather part of the
larger genre of transformations of
consciousness. She combines her 33 years
of near-death research with what she was
doing in the 60s and 70s, experiencing,
experimenting with, and researching
altered states of consciousness,
mysticism, psychic phenomena, and the
transformational process, to reveal what
transformations of consciousness really
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lead us. This lifetime endeavor covers
over 43 years of work, involving nearly
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The Big Book of Near Death
Experiences: The Ultimate Guide to
What Happens When We Die
An in-depth study of children who have
experienced an NDE and the pattern of
aftereffects which follow. Atwater notes
that the child who returns from an NDE
is not the same child as before, but
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Atwater shows that understanding the
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Beyond the Light: What Isn't Being Said
About Near Death Experience: from
Visions of Heaven to Glimpses of Hell
P. M. H. Atwater knows what it's like to
die. And the experience so changed her
life that she has devoted years to
researching the phenomenon of the
near-death experience. From her own
encounter with life-after-death and from
interviews with hundreds of others, she
presents this remarkable and reassuring
vision into a world beyond the one we
know: What it feels like to die; What
awaits us after we see the light; Why
many who are rescued from death don't
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encounter hellish experiences; How life
changes after a NDE.
There are different paths to future
memory. P.M.H. Atwater says the future
memory allows people to "live" life in
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Children of the New Millennium:
Children's Near-Death Experiences and
the Evolution of Humankind
Author P.M.H. Atwater presents the first
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