I was to have a total hysterectomy,
and it was during surgery that I had a cardiac arrest.
The surgeon indicated that it was due to the anesthetic.
He already knew that I'd had problems with anesthetics
in previous operations.
Anyway, at that time
I became conscious of seeing my body lying there on
the operating table, and I could hear the communication
that was going on between the surgeon and the staff.
I could see it all, but in a very detached sort of way.
In an almost offhand way I realized that that was my
body, and I realized that I'd died (in the physical
While I was in that out-of-body state
I was aware of my husband and children so clearly, and
yet there was no grief or sadness at the thought that
I had died and was separate from them. I felt total
peace, total rapture. There was no fear at all. And
time didn't exist -- it seemed like it was just a matter
of a spit in time and I would be reunited with them
anyway, so it wasn't an issue for me.
felt myself moving off very fast, exceedingly fast,
into what seemed like outer space. I always felt that
it was the fact of going so fast that gave me the sense
of being in a tunnel. And I was going toward a very
bright light. As I was traveling along I could see different
colored lights, and then I got stopped, just stopped
before I got to the light. And I felt this extreme presence
of love, just absolute love. It shocked me somewhat,
but there was no problem with accepting that in essence
I was being confronted with my Creator.
I was also very conscious of communicating with
other presences around me at that time, but I didn't
see any. I was just conscious of so much love coming
from those presences as well.
Then there was
a review of my whole life. I can remember looking at
it and assessing it and really judging it myself. I
felt no one else judged me. I judged myself. I think
the greatest shame I felt about my life was that I had
totally rejected the concept of God. I'd totally given
no acknowledgment to God. I really didn't believe in
God. And I felt such sadness. I was incredulous that
I could ever have doubted that God existed, because
he was so real and tangible -- the whole essence of
love. I say he, but that's just my conditioning. God
was just this essence, this total essence of love.
At the time I felt the presence of that extreme
love I could also hear beautiful music. I'm not sure
if it was instrumental music, but somehow I think it
was more massed voices giving that sound. But there
were no words -- it was more just a resonance of sound.
And my consciousness seemed to increase dramatically,
to the point where I felt all-knowing. I felt I was
in touch with all knowledge. I just knew and understood
so much more.
And the light communicated with
words. He said, "You'll now believe in me." He
also said, "I made you a woman, I created you. I know
everything about you and I'm now going to send you back,
because it's not your time to come over. You still have
your life's work to do."
I felt very humble,
very much in awe of such love. I could hardly believe
that someone could love me so much.
At that time
I remember asking what my life's work was, and I was
told, "You'll not know at this time but you will be
And I think I was still asking questions
like, "When?" (laughs)
I was always saying, "When?"
I was also told to come back and tell my husband
and children what had happened. I was to share it with
them. I think it was about then that I regained consciousness.
I don't recall coming back. Strangely enough, I only
recall waking up a day and a half later, and by that
time I was back in the ward.