|
 I
knew there was a release; the battle to stay alive seemed to
be over. No one told me what had happened, no one said, "You
just died son." I didn't know that. All I knew was that the
battle to try and keep my eyes open and stay alive was over.
I knew I'd gone somewhere, it wasn't like closing your eyes
and going to sleep, I knew I'd gone somewhere. I had been
having a floating away feeling for the previous 20 minutes
in the hospital anyway. I'd been hanging on to my body with
everything I had trying not to float away anywhere. And yet
when I closed my eyes, I wasn't floating away, I was gone.
The Bible says in Ecclesiastes, that when a man
dies his spirit returns to God who gave it and his body
returns to the dust from which it came.
Well, I knew my spirit had left, I had gone somewhere, and yet I didn't
know I was dead. I seemed to arrive in a huge, broad place like a void
of pitch-black darkness. I felt like I was standing up. It was like I
had woken up from a bad dream in someone else's house, and was wondering
where everyone had gone. I looked around trying to orient myself to
these new surroundings.
 Have
you ever woken up in the middle of the night and tried to find the light
switch? Well, I was trying to find the light switch, and I couldn't seem
to find it. I was trying to touch something, and I was moving round and
there was nothing there. I was not even bumping into anything. I
couldn't see my hand in front of my face. I lifted my hand up to find
out how much I could see. I lifted it to where my face was and it went
straight through where my face should have been. It was a terrifying
experience. I knew right there and then, I was me, Ian McCormack,
standing there, but without a body. I had the sensation and the feeling
that I had a body, but I had nothing physical to touch. I was a
spiritual being, and my physical body had died, but I was very much
alive, and very much aware that I had arms and legs and a head, but I
could no longer touch them.
God is a spirit, an
invisible spiritual being, and we are created in his image.
I was thinking in my heart, “Where on Earth am I?” And as I was standing
there in the darkness, I sensed the most incredible coldness and fear
coming over me. Maybe you've walked down a lonely street at night, or
you've come home by yourself and you feel as though there is someone
looking at you. Ever felt that? You sense someone's looking at you in
the darkness but you can't see who it is. I began to sense evil in the
darkness. The darkness seemed not just physical but spiritual. I felt
like I was being watched. A cold encroaching evil seemed to pervade the
air around me. I knew there was something around me. Slowly I became
aware that there seemed to be other people moving around me, in the same
predicament as me. Though I didn't speak out loud they answered my
thoughts. From the darkness I began to hear voices screaming at me:
“Shut up!” “You deserve to be here!” I thought, “I'm in hell, this could
actually be real, but how did I end up here?” I was terrified – afraid
to move or breathe or speak. As I thought about it I thought, “Yep, I
could have deserved this place.”
People have this picture of hell, of party time and great enjoyment. I
used to think that too. I thought that you would do all the things there
that you're not supposed to do on Earth. That is absolute trash. The
place I was in was the most frightening place I've ever been. The people
there could not do anything that their wicked hearts wanted to do, they
couldn't do anything. And there's no boasting. Who could you boast to
down there? “Oh yeah, I raped, murdered, plundered, pillaged.” Well
whoop-de-doo boy! There's nothing down there to talk about, nothing. And
they know that judgment is coming.
There is no relationship to time in that place. The people there can't
tell what time it is. They can't tell whether they've been there ten
minutes, ten years or 10,000 years. They had no relationship to time. It
was a frightening place.
The Bible says that there
are two kingdoms, the Kingdom of Darkness, which is ruled by Satan, and
the Kingdom of Light. The book of Jude says that the place of darkness
was actually prepared for angels that disobeyed God, not for people,
ever.
And it was the scariest and the most
frightening and the most terrifying place I have ever been in. I would
never wish or hope that even my worst enemy went to hell.
I had no idea how to get out of this place. How do you ever get out of
hell? But I had already prayed, and I was wondering why on Earth I'd
gone there, because I'd prayed just before I died, and asked God to
forgive me of my sins. I was crying and I literally cried out to God,
"Why am I here, I've asked you for forgiveness, why am I here? I've
turned my heart to you, why am I here?"
The only way I could leave is because I'd repented before I died.
It's too late to
repent once you get down there. You can only repent before you die. You
can't pray your way out of hell and no one on Earth can pray you out of
hell, no one. You have to have prayed yourself. The Bible teaches that
no one can pray for dead, departed souls and get them out of hell. They
have to repent before death.
Then a brilliant light shone upon me and literally drew me out of the
darkness.
The Bible says that
a great light has shone into darkness, on those walking in the shadow of
death and darkness, and has guided their feet into the paths of peace
and righteousness.
 As
I stood there an amazing beam of light pierced through the darkness from
above me and shone on my face. This light began to envelope me and I
began to sense a weightlessness overwhelm me. I then began to feel
myself lift off the ground and begin to ascend up into this brilliant
white light.
As I looked up I could see I was being drawn into a large circular
shaped opening far above me. I didn't want to look back too much in case
I fell back into the darkness. I was very happy to be out of that
darkness.
Upon entering the tunnel I could see that the source of the light was
emanating from the very end of the tunnel. It looked incredibly bright,
as if it was the centre of the universe. It looked literally like the
source of all power, of all light. It was more brilliant than the sun,
more radiant than any jewel, any diamond, brighter than a laser beam
light. Yet you could look right into it.
As I looked I was literally drawn to it, drawn like a moth into the
presence of a flame. I felt myself being drawn through the air at an
amazing speed towards the end of the tunnel. As I was being translated
through the air I could see successive waves of thicker intensity light
emanate off the source and start traveling up the tunnel towards me. The
first wave of light gave off an amazing warmth and comfort. It was as
though the light wasn't just physical in nature but was a ‘living light'
that transmitted an emotion. Half way down another wave of light passed
into me. This light gave off total and complete peace. I had looked for
many years for "peace of mind" but had only found fleeting moments of
it. At school I had read from Keats to Shakespeare to try and get peace
of mind. I had tried alcohol, I had tried education, I had tried sport,
I had tried relationships with women, I had tried drugs, I tried
everything to find peace and contentment in my life, and I'd never found
it. Now from the top of my head to the base of my feet I found myself
totally at peace.
My next thought was “I wonder what my body looks like?” In the darkness
I hadn't been able to see my hands in front of my face. I thought “I
must be able to see clearly now that I'm in this light.” So I looked to
my right and to my amazement there was my arm and hand but I could see
straight through them. I was transparent like a spirit, only my body was
full of the same light that was shining on me from the end of the
tunnel. It was as if I was full of light. The third wave near the end of
the tunnel was total joy. It was so exciting that I knew that what I was
about to see would be the most awesome experience in all my life.
My mind couldn't even conceive where I was going, and my words couldn't
communicate what I saw. I came out of the end of the tunnel and seemed
to be standing upright before the source of all the light and power. My
whole vision was taken up with this incredible light. I immediately
thought of it as aura. Then as glory. I had seen pictures of Jesus with
a little wee tiny halo or little glow around his face.
Yet Jesus Christ
died, rose from the dead and ascended into heaven, and is seated at the
right-hand of the Father, and is glorified, surrounded by light and in
him there is no darkness. He is the King of Glory, the Prince of Peace,
the Lord of Lords and the King of all the Kings.
I saw what I believe was the glory of the
Lord.
In the Old
Testament, Moses went up Mount Sinai for 30 days and he saw the glory of
the Lord. He came down and his face shone. Moses face shone with the
glory of the Lord, and he had to put on a veil, so that the people
wouldn't be afraid. He had seen the light of God, the glory of God. Paul
was blinded by a glorious light on the road to Damascus, the glory of
Jesus.
 And
I was now standing there seeing this incredible light and glory.
As I stood there, questions began racing through my heart; “Is this just
a force, as the Buddhists say, or karma, or yin and yang? Is this just
some innate power or energy source or could there actually be someone
standing in there?”
I was still questioning it all. As I
thought these thoughts a voice spoke to me from the centre of the light.
The voice said “Ian, do you wish to return?”
I was shaken to learn that there was
someone in the centre of the light and whoever it was knew my name. It
was as though the person could hear my inner thoughts as speech. I then
thought to myself “Return, return – to where? Where am I?” Quickly
looking behind me I could see the tunnel dissipating back into darkness.
I thought I must be in my hospital bed dreaming and I closed my eyes.
“Is this real? Am I actually standing
here, me, Ian, standing in real life here, is this real?”
Then the Lord spoke again. “Do you wish
to return?” I replied “If I am out of my body I don't know where I am, I
wish to return.” The response was “If you wish to return Ian you must
see in a new light.”
The moment I heard the words “see in a new light,” something clicked. I
remembered being given a Christmas card which said, “Jesus is the light
of the world” and “God is light and there is no darkness in him.” I had
meditated upon those words at that time. I'd just come from darkness,
and there was certainly no darkness here.
So this was God! He is light. He knew my name and knew the secret
thoughts of my heart and mind. I thought, “If this is God then he must
also be able to see everything I've ever done in my life.”
I felt totally exposed and transparent
before God. I felt ashamed and I thought “They've made a mistake and
brought the wrong person up. I shouldn't be here. I'm not a very good
person. I should crawl under some rock or go back into the darkness
where I belong.”
As I began to slowly move back towards
the tunnel a wave of light emanated forth from God and moved towards me.
My first thought was that this light was going to cast me back into the
pit. But to my amazement a wave of pure unconditional love flowed over
me. It was the last thing I expected. Instead of judgment I was being
washed with pure love.
Pure, unadulterated, clean, uninhibited, undeserved, love. It began to
fill me up from the inside out. I thought, “Perhaps God doesn't know all
the things I've done wrong,” so I proceeded to tell him about all the
disgusting things I'd done in the cover of darkness. But it was as
though he'd already forgiven me and the intensity of his love only
increased. In fact, later God showed me that when I'd asked for
forgiveness in the ambulance, it was then he forgave me and washed my
spirit clean from evil.
I found myself beginning to weep uncontrollably as the love became
stronger and stronger. It was so clean and pure, no strings attached. I
hadn't felt loved for years. The last time I remember being loved was by
my mum and dad when I was at home, but I'd gone out into the big wide
world and found out there's not too much love out there. I'd seen things
that I thought were love. Sex wasn't love; that just burnt you up. Lust
was just a raging fire inside you, an uncontrollable desire that burnt
you up from the inside out.
As I stood there, the waves of light stopped and I stood encased in pure
light filled with love. There was such stillness. I thought to myself,
“I'm so close. I wonder if I could step into the light that surrounds
God and see him face to face. If I could see him face to face I will
know the truth.” I was sick of hearing lies and deceptions. I wanted to
know the truth. I had been everywhere to find the truth, and no one
seemed to be able to tell me. I would talk to anybody who could tell me
the meaning to life, the truth, what was going on, something had to be
the truth. I thought if I could step through and meet God face-to-face
I'll know the truth and I'll know the meaning to life. I will never have
to ask another man, woman or child ever again. I'll know.
Could I step in? There was no voice saying I couldn't. So, I stepped
through, I put my best foot forward and stepped through the light. As I
stepped into the light it was as if I'd come inside veils of suspended
shimmering lights, like suspended stars or diamonds giving off the most
amazing radiance. The light continued to heal the deepest part of me,
like it was healing my broken inner man, healing my broken heart.
I aimed for the brightest part of the light. Standing in the centre of
the light stood a man with dazzling white robes reaching down to his
ankles. The garments were not human fabrics but were like garments of
light. As I lifted my eyes up I could see the chest of a man with arms
outstretched as if to welcome me. I looked towards his face. It was so
bright; it seemed to be about ten times brighter than the light I'd
already seen. It made the sun look yellow and pale in comparison. It was
so bright I couldn't make out the features of his face, and as I stood
there I began to sense that the light was emanating a purity, a
holiness. I knew now I was standing in the presence of Almighty God – no
one but God could look like this. The purity and holiness continued to
come forth from his face and I began to feel that purity and holiness
enter into me. I wanted to get closer to see his face. I felt no fear
but rather total freedom as I moved towards him. Standing now only a few
feet from him, I tried to look into the light surrounding his face but
as I did he moved to one side. As he moved all the light moved with him.
Directly behind Jesus was a circular shaped opening like the tunnel I
had just traveled down. Gazing out through it, I could see a whole new
world opening up before me. I felt like I was standing on the edge of
paradise, having a glimpse into eternity.
 It
was completely untouched. In front of me were green fields and meadows.
The grass itself was giving off the same light and life that had been in
the presence of God. I saw no disease on the plants. It seemed as though
even if you were to step on the grass that it would just spring back to
life. Through the center of the meadows I could see a crystal clear
stream winding its way across the landscape with trees on either side.
To my right were mountains in the distance and the sky above was blue
and clear. To my left were rolling green hills and flowers, which were
radiating beautiful colors. ‘Paradise'. I knew I belonged here. I had
traveled the world looking for paradise, and knew I had found it. I felt
as though I had just been born for the first time. Every part of me knew
I was home. Before me stood eternity, just one step away.
As I tried to step forward into this new world Jesus stepped back into
the doorway.
The Bible says that
Jesus is the door and that if you come in through him, you will go in
and out and find green pastures. He is the door to life. Jesus is the
way, the truth and the life. No one comes to the father but by him. He
is the only way. There is only one narrow passageway that leads into his
kingdom. Few find it. Most find the expressway or the highway down to
hell.
Jesus asked me this question “Ian, now that you have seen do you wish to
return?”
I thought "Return, of course not. Why
would I want to go back? Why would I want to return to the misery and
hatred? No, I have nothing to return for. I have no wife or kids, no one
who really loves me. I want to go on in.” But he didn't move so I looked
back one last time to say, “Goodbye cruel world I'm out of here!”
As I did, in a clear vision right in front of the tunnel, stood my
mother. As I saw her I knew I had just lied; there was one person who
loved me – my dear Mum. Not only had she loved me, but also I knew she
had prayed for me every day of my life, and she had tried to show me
God. In my pride and arrogance I had mocked her beliefs. But she had
been right, there was a God and a heaven and a hell. I realized how
selfish it would be to go through to paradise and leave my mother
believing that I had gone to hell. She would have no idea that I'd had a
deathbed prayer and repented of my sins and received Jesus as my Lord
and Savior. She would have just got a dead body in a box from Mauritius.
So I said, "God, there's only one person really I want to go back for
and that is my mum. I want to tell her that what she believes in is
true, that there is a living God, that there is a heaven and a hell,
that there is a door and Jesus Christ is that door and that we can only
come through him". Then as I looked back again, I saw behind her my
father, my brother and sister, my friends, and a multitude of people
behind them. God was showing me that there were a lot of other people
who also don't know, and would never know unless I was able to share
with them.
I asked, “Who are all those other
people?” And God said, “If you don't return, many of these people will
not get an opportunity to hear about me because many will not put their
foot inside a church”.
I said, “God I want to go back and tell them all. I've come here once, I
don't even really know how I got here, but I can certainly find out. If
I've come here once, I know I can come back here again. And I want to
make sure I come back”
I said, “God, how do I return? Through
the tunnel of darkness, back into my body? How can I go back? I don't
even know how I got here.” And the Lord said, "If you return you must
see things in a new light.” I understood that I must now see through his
eyes, his eyes of love and forgiveness. I needed to see the world as he
saw it – through the eyes of eternity.
And I said “God, how do I go back? I don't know how to go back.”
He said, "Ian tilt your head …now feel
liquid drain from your eyes ... now open your eyes and see.”
Immediately I was back in my body.
My head was tilted to the right and I had
one eye open. I was looking at a young Indian doctor who had my right
foot elevated in his hand and was prodding a sharp instrument into the
base of my foot. He was looking for any signs of life. Little did he
realize that I was now alive and looking at him. I wondered what on
Earth he was doing, then the penny dropped; “He thinks I'm dead!” At the
same time the doctor stopped what he was doing and turned his head in
the direction of my face. As our eyes made contact, terror swept over
his face, as though he had just seen a ghost. Blood drained from his
face and he went as white as a sheet. His feet nearly left the ground.
Shaken I asked God to give me the strength to tilt my head to the left
and look out the other side. As I turned my head to the left I saw
nurses and orderlies in the doorway staring at me in amazement and
terror. I apparently had been dead for some 15 to 20 minutes. I felt
weak and I closed my eyes, but I quickly opened them again to check that
I was still in my body. I wasn't sure whether or not I would disappear
again. I was so tired. I closed my eyes again and fell soundly asleep.
Epilogue
 I
prayed to God that night and asked him to heal me and enable me to walk
out of the hospital. That night God completely healed me and enabled me
to walk out of the hospital the next day. I asked God what I had become,
as I found my entire life was changing for good. God told me I was a
re-born Christian and that he wanted me to read His Bible. I had never
read a Bible and had never heard about being born-again. Over the next
six weeks I read the entire Bible. I have never been the same, and
believe that I saw our Lord Jesus Christ in His Glorified form.
I've been following Jesus Christ as my
personal Lord and Savior ever since this experience in 1982. I am an
ordained minister with the Assembly Of God church here in New Zealand. I
have worked with the head-hunters of Borneo and in refugee camps in
South East Asia. I have pastored churches and my wife and I have
traveled to 24 different nations sharing this testimony. - Ian
McCormack
If you would like to help Ian with his
international ministry, visit
his support page
and schedule. |
One
night while diving for lobster on the small Island of Mauritius near New
Zealand, Ian McCormack was stung by five
