Visitation With My Mother
It was almost time for my mother's memorial and
I wanted to attend so much. But, I knew it would
be a very emotional event for me - more emotional
than I thought my mental health could bear. I knew
that even just stepping into my sister's house,
where my mother lived until her death, that I would
be overwhelmed from being around her things, seeing
her pictures, going into her room, thinking of all
the memories, but more importantly, I knew I would
feel her presence there and it would be so strong,
that I was afraid of an emotional breakdown. My
other option was not much better - not attending
my own mother's memorial and funeral. So, I decided
to stay home. After the memorial was over, my father
gave me the videotape of the event and I wanted
to see it very badly. Seeing it on video would be
easier than being there because I would be more
removed from it emotionally by seeing the videotape.
But, it took me a few days until I decided to watch
it. And it was very moving to hear my brother Glenn
sing the song "Moon River". I haven't heard that song since
I was a child. After seeing the video, I knew I
did the right thing by not attending. I don't think
I could have handled it. Little did I know how
that song would change forever how I
| Table of Contents
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| 1. My Spontaneous After-Death Communication of
later, on July 1, 2002, I was sitting alone in my
room watching a television show which was a modern
version of Candid Camera - except that they do cruel
tricks on people. I watched as they were playing
mind games on an unsuspecting victim who looked
remarkably like my twin brother Steve. I was reminded
of my brother's situation and all the pain and grief
that he and his wife had been going through. No
one was suffering more over the accident than Steve
and his family. Along with their grief over Mom,
they had to deal with permanent injuries, and lost
employment - not to mention the loss of other things
that cannot be valued.
As I thought
about my brother, the mind games they were playing
on the man on TV was bringing him to tears. Seeing
this man in tears, who looked remarkably like my
brother, made me start to cry.
very bizarre but wonderful happened to me. I suddenly
felt what I can only describe as a large invisible
beam of energy made of pure love and happiness hit
my chest. This entire experience did not involve
any of my five senses. The beam remained focused
over my heart as it poured this powerful energy
of heavenly bliss into me. Wonderful feelings of
intense love and ecstasy such as I have never felt
before was filling and transforming my heart, mind
and soul. I sensed that this beam was coming from
the sky, through the ceiling, and into my chest.
I wasn't too concerned about what it was at the
time because it felt incredibly good. As it poured
in, I grabbed my chest and arched my back in ecstasy
to let as much of this beam of love and happiness
in as possible. I remember having a passing thought
of concern that this must be some kind of a gigantic
manic depressive episode. But the wonderful feelings
that I was experiencing made me dismiss that thought
quickly. The strange transformation feeling I was
experiencing began slowly from around place where
the beam was entering my chest. Then it slowly spread
out from my chest to the rest of my body. I remember
thinking how it felt like a man of stone coming
to life. I remember the thought that I was being
jump-started by God. This wonderful and magical
feeling lasted at least a minute.
at the height of this ecstasy, came the astounding
realization that my mother was standing next to
me. "Oh, Mom!" I cried. I intuitively
wrapped my arms around myself and felt her hug.
Any sorrow remaining within me from losing her,
just burst right out of me. At the same time, she
filled me to overflowing with the heaven she brought
with her. Everything I wanted to say to her since
the day she died came out of me as well.
my five senses didn't detect her, her presence around
me was so strong that I didn't need to use them.
The combination of her strong presence and love,
and the ecstatic feelings I was having, elevated
my awareness to a degree that I was using senses
reserved for hallucinations. Being with her again
made me suddenly realize how long I had been without
her. This led to the strange realization that, since
her death, I had been slowing forgetting about the
feeling of being around her - her presence - without
even knowing it. I realized that this is how people
are able to live the rest of their lives without
their loved ones. Over time, we just naturally forget.
That momentary thought was unsettling and only her
strong presence with me took it immediately away.
I had a realization
that my mother was in heaven and felt me despairing
over my brother and that somehow a door was opened
that allowed visit and comfort me. I also understood
that this was only possible because my mind was
open to the possibility that it could happen; that
I had been wanting it to happen; that I wouldn't
have freaked out if it did happen. Then, the possibility
became a reality when she strongly connected with
my despair over my brother. Then, she moved heaven
and Earth to come to me and make everything all
right. I realized that her seeing me in despair
over my brother was too much for her to bear as
well. Along with her sheer force of will, the door
was opened for her to visit me from the Other Side.
I also strongly felt that communicating with us
from the Other Side was something she strongly wanted
As I basked
in her presence, tears of both joy and sorrow flowed
out of me at the same time. As she was cuddling
me, I transformed into her little boy again. I could
view my relationship with my mother from a perspective
I never knew before - from the vantage point of
my whole life - all at once. For the rest of that
night I was her child. Memories and feelings I had
of my childhood flooded my heart and mind.
our communication was mostly non-verbal, I remember
moments of strongly hearing her voice in my mind.
But most of my experience with her occurred on a
conscious level too deep for me to recall. But I
do remember her telling me these words:
here. I'm here to make everything alright.
I'm still here.
understood these words to mean that although she
was in heaven, she is still here with us and aware
of what's going on. And right now, she came back
to comfort me and bring me heaven. I felt her presence
multiplied to a degree that I felt like I was in
heaven just being with her again. And I wanted this
feeling to last forever. I wanted to be with her
forever. I wanted her to take me to heaven. But
I also knew that this was not possible.
I was overflowing
with heaven from her presence and thanking God and
Mom for allowing it to happen.
I also knew
that this was also a goodbye - the goodbye that
I was denied of having when she was taken to heaven.
I also had
a realization that my mother was allowing me to
catch a glimpse of heaven and the love that awaiting
us there when we meet again.
I was not
aware of exactly how long my visitation with my
mother lasted, but my guess would be about an hour
or so. This heavenly experience didn't just end
abruptly. Everything gradually returned back to
normal until eventually I couldn't feel her presence
with me anymore. But within me, my mother had filled
my heart and soul with tremendous happiness and
I spent the
rest of that magical night contemplating what happened.
I knew that my mother visited me in an after-death
communication because I have read so much about
them. Now I have experienced what I have been reading
about all these years. This experience with my mother
has made me more interested in after-death communications.
of my own personal experience with psychedelic,
psychotic, and psychic (spiritual) hallucinations,
I knew visitation experience with my mother was
a form of hallucination. As I said earlier, none
of my five senses were involved. Only my intuitive
and spiritual senses were of use and this is why
I saw it was in the form of a hallucination. But
it was a spontaneous hallucination on a massive
scale and that is what makes it different than any
hallucination I have experience. Hallucinations
don't happen spontaneously until there is a hallucinogen.
My experience was more like the religious ecstasies
I have read about, such as that of Fatima. And I
don't consider it a miracle either. Miracles by
definition are impossible. I know these kind of
events are possible. Even if my mother materialized
in front of me and I could see her with my own eyes
- it is not a miracle. Historical records are filled
with such materializations. For my visitation experience
with my mother's heavenly spirit to be a miracle,
she would have had to leave something physical behind
- such as her heavenly shoe or ring. Now, that would
be a miracle.
didn't leave me a ring, but she left me with something
far more meaningful to me. And I found it only hours
later when I woke up the next morning.
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| 2. The
Song "Moon River" and ADC Synchronicity
next morning, I awoke with wonderful thoughts and
feelings of my mother and her visit only hours ago.
I laid there in bed awhile and I remember thinking
how all this happiness I felt could put me in danger
of becoming manic - the other side of manic depression
marked by elevated mood. I remember deciding that
I would see my doctor that day just to be safe.
Then, I got
out of bed and turned on the television set. What
happened next was far more difficult for me to believe
than my visitation with my mother the night before.
What happened when I turned on the TV was practically
When I turned on the
TV set, immediately the song
began to play! Time seemed to momentarily stop as
my jaw hit the floor. I couldn't believe my ears!
By pure coincidence, I had turned on the TV to a
movie that was at just the right point to play Moon
River - my mother's song. This song was sung at
her memorial only nine days prior. And only hours
after having an after-death communication and visitation
with her from heaven. By randomly turning on the
TV set to Moon River, I had just experienced the "Mother
of all Synchronistic Coincidences." And at
the time, I didn't need to do the math to know how
microscopically improbable such a thing can happen
at random. Later, I calculated the odds of turning
on a TV anytime at random and hearing the song Moon
River in a movie. The odds of this happening at
random is over 1 in 18 billion experienced. I also
discovered later that the movie that came on that
morning was called
Breakfast at Tiffany's.
The cable records are there.
Moon River began to play, I picked my jaw off the
floor, sat down in my chair, and closed my eyes
and let Moon River bring my mother back to me again.
It was Henri Mancini's orchestra playing the song.
I hadn't heard that version of Moon River since
I was a child listening to it on my mother's stereo.
And I was moved to my very soul. I also knew I would
have to see my doctor because I began to feel mania
coming on - and it is pure heaven.
song Moon River that morning meant so many things
to me. I considered it a miracle at the time. It
was also a sign from heaven. It was proof of life
after death. It was physical confirmation which
validates that my heavenly visit with my mother
was a physical reality. It was the biggest coincidence
of synchronicity that has ever happened to me. Just
hours before this, my mother visited me. Just four
days before this, I watched my brother sing Moon
River on videotape. Just nine days before this,
Moon River was sung at her memorial. Just eleven
days before this, my sister remembered Moon River
for the first time since childhood. About two weeks
after hearing Moon River on TV by pure coincidence,
my father heard Paul Harvey discuss a news item
about the real Moon River in Savannah, Georgia.
Then on the second anniversary of my mother's death,
even more Moon River coincidences occurred. The
message is clear: my mother still lives.
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| 3. Interesting
Facts About the Song "Moon River"
River" is a beautiful song from the early 60's which
our family identified with, especially my mother,
when we were a young family. For me, the song represents
a time of innocence for our family and for America
in general. Those were the illusionary days of "Ozzie
and Harriet," "Leave it to Beaver," and "My Three
Sons," before the political assassinations, the
Vietnam war, and the social unrest came and blew
all the illusions away.
wider than a mile
you in style some day.
Oh, dream maker,
you heart breaker
|I'm going your way.
off to see the world.
a lot of world to see.
the same rainbow's end,
the very first screening of "Breakfast
at Tiffany's", the president of Paramount
paced around the room, puffing on a cigar,
and said, "Well, I'll tell you one
thing, you can get rid of the song."
Thankfully, Audrey Hepburn was there and
to her credit, stood up and said, "Over
my dead body."
Henri Mancini's "Moon
River" won the Academy Award in 1962
for Best Original Song.
At Tiffany's" (Paramount, 1961) starred
Audrey Hepburn and George Peppard and was
directed by Blake Edwards. The screenplay
was written by George Axelrod based on a
novel by Truman Capote. The song "Moon River"
was sung in the movie by Audrey Hepburn.
is meant by "my huckleberry friend"
in the song "Moon River?" In the
book entitled "Our Huckleberry Friend:
The Life, Times and Lyrics of Johnny Mercer"
it describes how Johnny and his friends
would enjoy spending the summers picking
wild huckleberries (i.e., blueberries) by
the river now known as Moon River. They
would put the huckleberries in pails and
bring them home to put in ice cream. So
this is where "my huckleberry friend"
came from - just Johnny as a little boy
with his friends enjoying themselves and
with the song "Moon River" playing
in it also includes: "The Godfather," "Ocean's
Eleven" (2001), "The Presidio," "Born on
the Fourth of July," and "The Brotherhood."
is devoted to the movie goddess Audrey Hepburn.
You can also listen
to a clip of the song "Moon River"
as performed by Henri Mancini.
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| 4. My
Metaphysical Synchronicity With the Moon
close association with the moon and Moon River intrigues
me. I am a
born under the sign of
Moonchildren are said to be very emotional almost
to the point of being unable to control them which
I often true of me. My manic depressive illness
has a connection with the moon. Mental illness was
thought by the ancients to be caused by the moon
= luna = moon).
My heavenly visit with my mother occurred in July
under the sign of Cancer.
The month of November
of 2001, the month of my mother's death, was unique
in that two full moons occurred within that month.
This astronomical configuration is termed a "Blue
and it occurs once in approximately once every two
and a half years. During November 2001 the first
full Moon fell in Taurus on the 1st of the month
and on the 30th of November Gemini was graced with
the second or "Blue Moon". According to
the November 2001 Blue
Moon would strongly influence the signs of Taurus,
Gemini, Scorpio and Sagittarius. My mother was born
under the sign of Taurus.
I had my astrological
birth chart created by a professional astrologer
many years ago. I asked her how fraternal twin brothers,
such as my brother and I, who were different in
personality and tastes (unlike some identical twins)
could somehow be connected to a similar birth chart.
She explained how minor differences between birth
time in minutes or hours can affect a birth chart.
She also explained how one brother's birth chart
can be interpreted using Sun-sign astrological principles
and the other using
I clearly fall under a Moon-sign interpretation.
am a male Cancer and moonchild, this means the moon
also rules my relationship with my mother and other
important females in my life. This astrological
principle certainly applies to me. I also have a
sister and step-mother are moon children.
terms, the moon represents a general reflection
of what humans have been in past lives. Because
I have strong memories of some of my past life identities,
this astrological principle certainly applies to
that my connection to my mother is so strong, and
my astrological connection with the moon is so strong,
and our connection with Moon River is so strong,
this may explain why my "Moon River experience"
was so strong and why Moon River had such a positive
effect on healing the grief of our losing the central
component of our family, and why Moon River shows
us that our connection to her will never be broken.
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