That particular night was one of the lowest nights in my life. Frustrating thoughts and memories had been plaguing me continually for days. By the time this night came, I was in a depressed enough state to be uncaring of my own
welfare and in an attempt to get some answers, I used my well honed mind control skills to "flat line".
I finally chose to follow through with what I had been entertaining for months. As I began to slow my heart beat to a final halt, I heard for the first time the blood that tirelessly ran through my body. The noise was almost like a mechanical clock spinning and whirling inside my head. It grew in intensity with each passing moment eventually becoming deafeningly persistent, extremely distracting and truly aggravating. I quickly became disgusted with my inefficient and noisy physical body. I craved the peace that existed in the silence of my spirit. Just hearing the never-ceasing beat of my heart and the deafening noise within my ears became so upsetting that a part of me began to cry for it to stop; and within almost an instant of that desire, my heart finally rested.
In an instant there was true silence. For the first time in my life I heard nothing of my flesh, but only my surroundings. I didn't even hear the monotony of my lungs inhaling or feel the discomfort of my diaphragm flexing. It was exhilarating! Blissful. I could hear a pin drop in a room next to me. I could hear a mouse squeak in the basement. In fact, I did hear the furnace running two stories under me. A sound that normally only could be heard from the basement when beside it. It felt wonderful! My body was dead but my mind was alive. Then dizziness hit me. Severe dizziness.
I felt that if my eyes could open, everything would be spinning so rapidly that I would see only a blur. Picture severe drunkenness and multiply it by about 10. I knew I was falling into the next stage of death. I saw a vision of a stiff,
mannequin-like body falling down a dark endless shaft. Slowly turning as it descended. In the silence I began to hear rushing noises all around me as I increased speed. I was passing through a tunnel not knowing where it led. Then I landed.
The dizziness stopped and I was standing in an unknown land. I did not know what to think. I just knew this was the real thing. I was dead. It was nothing like a fluffy "embraced by the light story". It was real. Too real. Within moments after I got my bearing, I noticed a countdown in my mind. In a way I saw the numbers of a digital clock in the sky counting down from twenty seconds. I intuitively knew this was the time I had left before it became impossible to return.
It was then that I realized the true severity of what I had just done. Twenty seconds did not seem to be enough time and I knew the longer I waited the harder it became to go back. I looked around and saw just open night sky. All other spirits seemed to ignore me as they went about their business. I still heard the white noise of the tunnel that I entered through. The tunnel was still there in the sky.
"Where was God?"
"Why does this feel vaguely familiar?"
"I must have been reincarnated!"
"This is too familiar."
I navigated around for a second or two at the speed of thought and realized in the distance there was an open library. A library in the sky without walls. The countdown continued
[18,17] In a blink of an eye, I was within the confines of this learning area and I came to the understanding that this area contained all of the answers of the universe. I was so elated!
 I opened myself to the knowledge gate and answers began to play through my mind like the pictures in the movie "The Lawnmower Man". I saw pictures and diagrams of our entire universe being created and all the fabrics within it. I began to see wisdom and knowledge of man and spirit. I even saw Einstein's Theory of Relativity and understood holes in the theory
because true spirituality had the real answers (They were big). I began to truly understand everything and it was bliss. I wanted to take all of the knowledge I could back with me, but I knew that this knowledge was knowledge of the spirit and could not be taken back into my little material brain. I would have to stay dead and be with God in order to keep it forever and I wanted that. I was enjoying myself so greatly. I wanted to stay for a long time. But then another knowledge hit me.
I stepped back from the books [The clock read 12] and immediately realized I had three choices. The voice of
what I thought to be God spoke directly to my heart:
(1) "You can stay here for a time and then be judged like all the
(2) "You can go back and return to your
"You will come now and be judged and begin your true eternal life."
I now had to decide.  Time was running out. The thought of being immediately judged partly appealed to me because I would love to be in heaven, but also absolutely horrified me because my spirit had a knowledge of where I would probably end
up - hell.
I wasn't ready. Even though I was a really good guy. I definitely wanted to be sure of my destination first. I needed to repent on
Earth and accept God somehow even though I did not as of yet know how.
The first option also sounded appealing, but if I chose to stay here, it would be nice for a while.
Maybe 100 years or so? Child's play compared to true heaven. Then I know where I would end up.
The second option of going back to life, as unappealing as it was, seemed to be the wisest.
I believed this reality that I was presently in, was where my uncle was at
when he spoke to me. I believed that it was in this world I could somehow go back to
Earth in spirit form and become what some
call an "earthbound spirit" or ghost. But I did not have the time to explore that
option. I would just be judged anyway. For some reason the illusion of reincarnation didn't seem too viable at that point in
time. It took me years to find out why.
Time was running out and at that moment pictures of my life hit me. I saw people in my life that would be severely hurt if I died at this time. Maybe even some vulnerable friends would have taken their own lives in their pain. It was those pictures that helped me to finally make up my mind. I decided to return to my body. [The clock now read
8] I was getting dangerously close to "no return." I was positive I wasn't ready to be judged. I knew I could come back to death later and I could not allow my selfish desires for knowledge to be the cause of the death of my close friends.
I looked back to the sky where the cylinder channel to my life was deteriorating and made a beeline for it.
Going back to
Earth was like swimming against rapids. It was extremely difficult. If only I hadn't waited so long it would have been easier. I fought and fought and tirelessly fought. Exhaustion came quickly and
a few times I wanted to give up. But I knew I was getting close when I saw what looked like a stiff
mannequin rotating backward and ascending to consciousness.
By the time I reached the top of the tube. I was so spent that I almost gave in to being sucked back in.
I knew death was still close. I was still extremely dizzy but I could hear again and I could tell that I was lying in my bed. I grasped tightly onto my life.
The first sound I heard was the furnace in the basement. It was a strange comfort but I knew I was far from done
in the fight. My heart soon started. The deafening sound of blood rushed through my ears and body. My heart beat strongly but slowly. I then felt a severe headache (probably from the lack of oxygen to my brain) and my body was paralyzed. I paused for a moment thinking I could relax and gain strength. Almost immediately the dizziness grew stronger. "No!!!!" I said loudly in my mind as I grasped for my life again. I had to keep fighting or else that was it. I was extremely tired and uncertain how I was going to make it.
As I came closer to consciousness, the noise in my ears faded off and I tried to feel the rest of my body. I was still paralyzed and couldn't move. My strength could only take me so far.
Damien's website has the
"Death is a
friend of ours; and he that is not ready to entertain him is not at home."
- Francis Bacon