Ever tried to jump a drainage ditch with steep soil sides and landed a little short the other side. You try to push yourself up and out, but as you struggle the soil bank gives way and you slip down towards the water. The harder you push the more the bank gives way. That was like dying was for me. I remember thinking
"God it's so hard to get the right balance between pushing yourself out and living, or pushing too hard and dying. It's so easy to die!"
A year ago I was working in Asia, came down with an illness which slowly shut my organs down one by one and whilst in hospital there suffered cardiac arrest three times.
Just for the skeptics out there, my brain was also being affected and I was drugged up to the eyeballs by the doctors in ICU. But to me, although I didn't even
recognize my family for a while afterwards, the NDE experience is extremely clear.
Suddenly it happened; I was fighting it but couldn't stop it. I rose up, out of and above my body. I knew I was dying and new I was leaving my body, but remember looking down thinking how tranquil I looked lying there. I tried to fight it
-- it was as if the first few feet I could attempt to fight, but then after that it was if I was being picked up by a large hand I couldn't see. I was amazed how supported and warm I
felt -- like when you pick up a small puppy -- completely cradled and comfortable.
The force pulled me along an invisible path, like I was flying through a bright blue summer sky. It reminded me of Scuba diving, even breathing felt different. It wasn't a tunnel as such but a three dimensional road system, with blocks and roads going off to each
side - I knew they were there but I could not see them. I was aware that people were living in each of these blocks, but seeing them seemed irrelevant.
Halfway along one block there was a man leant over as if tying a lace. As I approached he looked up and smiled. I immediately
recognized him as a guy I had done some work with, who had drowned a month of so before. What surprised me was that he wasn't a close friend and was from a completely different culture and probably religion, so why was he there visible to me. His smile though just reassured me and I felt safe.
In the distance I noticed we were coming up to a group of people, all stood tightly together, with those at the back elevated so I could see everybody's face. I thought I knew them. When I got close I
realized they were various members of my family that had passed away. Strangely though they were not as I remember them
- all looked young and happy - say early 20s. My grandfather was smiling at me and we
"talked" maybe without physically talking. He said I couldn't stay and should go back, but would come back later. I wanted to stay, I felt overwhelmingly happy, but then I found myself flying backwards back down the road, much faster than I had arrived.
Back in my body I felt a little frustrated I had not learnt more. I wanted to go
back - as if I hadn't got the full message.
Shortly afterwards my heart stopped again and I felt the same feeling. It felt so natural this time. When I met my family I questioned them, but it was as if I could ask myself any question and know the answer. The answers are one of the few things I can't remember. I knew everything.
I remember joking, "If I'm in heaven, what are all my friends doing -
right now. Show me them doing something unexpected or embarrassing." I could see everything, not just at that time, but going back into my and their pasts and even the
future - like I could see things that happened from their point of view. (Luckily for them I cant recall these either!)
The third time my heart stopped I wanted to go back again - but this time as I rose up out of my body, I looked down and there was a pit of writhing bodies. They looked like US soldiers in jungle
uniforms - like something from a Vietnam movie. I was pulled down into the pit, fighting as hard as I could and really scared. The bodies parted and I went through. I don't remember the rest but eventually I was not scared. It was like a warning not to play with death. When I was pulled back into my body this time it felt as if meat hooks were stuck in my chest and it was very painful. That was enough dying for me for that day!
I recovered fully physically and wish I could remember what I learnt
"up ther", but it is as if I know but can't tell
anyone - even myself.
Shortly after the NDE I saw ghosts regularly and was not afraid. I also had premonitions of events
-- either personally, when I saw people injured, just before the events actually happened or of news worthy events. Now I get a little scared when I see these things and try to ignore them and get them out of my mind.
I feel different from before -- maybe more spiritual, but I don't remember a particular god or anything that would point me to one religion or other. I was brought up as a Christian but lost a lot of belief as I grew older, so was almost atheist before my NDE. I prayed a lot though when I first new I was dying! Now all religions seem good, none better than another, but also I feel that I will remember one day which way to go, or not!
Day to day things are less important and don't get stressed as much. I feel
"safe" and less scared about being dead, but am more scared now with the physically act of
dying. I don't want to feel the pain again - physical or emotional. Maybe its because of the third time where I was so scared. Its so easy to die.
Sometimes I feel angry and frustrated that this hasn't changed me more yet, but believe that fate will take me the right way and that deep down, subconsciously, I know what to do now. I was so glad to be alive after; the sun seemed brighter, the bird song louder
-- everything more amazing. I wish everyday could be like it was then -- just so, so glad to be alive.
At times I feel like I'm going crazy and suffering some form of post traumatic stress. Do other feel like this? I haven't been able to speak to anyone about it.
Maybe this is why I've finally written this down.
Kevin Williams' reply:
Yes, it is very common for people returning from an NDE to experience
paranormal and psychological events which would definitely make a person
think they may be going crazy. IANDS (the International Association for
Near-Death Studies) has very good support groups for people who had an NDE,
even their families, and they have a lot of information about how you can
get help with this. Here is the info:
For people who have just had
IANDS support page
Your NDE is a very good example of how communication is so different on the Other Side than it is in the physical world. Merely by having the impulse to ask a question is enough to get the answer right away. What is amazing about communication on the Other Side is not just that "thoughts are deeds" and "thoughts are actual tangible things" but that it is even more than that - it is merely the impulse - the desire - the intent - the inclination - which is acted out. This is because there is no difference between an impulse on the Other Side and an action. Life after death is the realm of the mind and imagination. There is no difference between having a sudden impulse for a chocolate shake, for example, and having a chocolate shake suddenly appearing in your hand. This is often a very difficult concept to explain to people who have not had an NDE or have not read enough about them. This is the critical reason why people should try to control, not just their thoughts and feelings, but their impulses and desires. If, in life, a person has a strong habit or impulse for desiring something (it could be anything) which gets "out of control" and becomes an addiction (a desire beyond the physical - into the spiritual), then it could be a nuisance when we die and cross over to the Other Side, if we haven't dealt with controlling this impulse. This is why NDErs see some souls on the Other Side begging the living in vain for
cigarettes, alcohol, sex, food, or virtually any physical desire or impulse I suppose. A lot of people suppose this NDE insight means that if we die with a strong impulse and craving for chocolate shakes, for example, that we must spend all our time in a kind of "chocolate shake hell" where we are constantly begging the living in ice cream parlors for chocolate shakes. But I don't believe the evidence suggests this is the case - although it may be for people who are hard-core junkies or addicts. But because thoughts and impulses are deeds on the Other Side, and because travel occurs by means of thought (teleportation practically), then getting a brief and sudden impulse for a chocolate shake on the Other Side, can mean having a chocolate shake briefly and suddenly appear in your hand. But getting a strong impulse for actually having and consuming a McDonald's chocolate shake ("I would die for a chocolate shake right now" impulse and craving) would mean actually and instantly finding yourself in a McDonald's on Earth amongst the living trying in vain to have a drink of one. You are freed from this situation when you no longer want to entertain that impulse or desire or thought at the moment.
I know this may sound strange or insignificant to people, but I believe this is a critical point. While we are going about our business in life, we may suddenly have the impulse or urge for a chocolate shake. In the physical world, having such an impulse only means possibly have a brief mental image of a chocolate shake in your mind or maybe even the word "chocolate shake" or "McDonalds" appear in your mind's eye. Or a fantasy where you are fantasizing about having a chocolate shake, these images and impulses and feelings will appear only in your mind. Your sudden impulse for a chocolate shake does not result in a chocolate shake appearing in your hand. But it doesn't work that way on the Other Side where thoughts are actual deeds. On the Other Side, if you suddenly have a brief impulse for a chocolate shake, it can be the same as having a chocolate shake suddenly appearing in your hand. If the sudden impulse is stronger or lasting longer, it may even mean finding yourself on Earth in an ice cream parlor briefly or however long the desire lasts. Chocolate shakes and food are not necessary on the Other Side, so you may find yourself where you know food is and really desired.
From many metaphysical sources, and not just near-death experiences, it appears that one of the reasons we are here in the physical world, is to learn how to control or even overcome such impulses and desires. Not because they are "bad" but because the ideal is to not be controlled by such desires or by anything. And this is probably where the
clich came from that: "Be careful what you wish for because you might get it on the Other Side.
who does not want to die should not want to live. For life is tendered to us
with the proviso of death. Life is the way to this destination." -
Lucius Annaeus Seneca