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Shortly after his birth I had the most
horrific dream that I would be in a terrible
car crash that would take my life. For
months I was terrified and was extremely
cautious and on the lookout for that monster
vehicle. By the time my son was seven months
old, I convinced myself that it was only a
dream ... nothing of what was to come. I had
a brand new teaching position, a baby, a
home, my husband to take care of ... I had
put too much energy into this thing. Then it
happened.
I
had left school right away that day. I
wanted to pick up my son from his
grandmother and hurry back to school to
watch a baseball game. It was a picture
perfect way to spend the afternoon with my
son.
As I was exiting the freeway with usual
caution, I made a left-hand turn on a light
that had been green for some time. This was
my lucky day I thought. Then in an instant I
was gone.
 Immediately
I was in the most beautiful serene place I
had ever been. My grandfather, another
person whom I had known in a previous life,
and a guardian were ready to help me with
the transition. They told me of the
accident, showed me the site. It was my time
to come home they said.
The
overwhelming love and happiness of that
place was so inviting. I
could feel myself becoming lighter each
moment.
In a fit of fear and panic I began
crying. No, I couldn't be dead. What would
happen to my son? He was seven months old!
He would never remember me. His father
didn't even know how to take care of him. I
didn't want him raised by his father's
parents. No, no, no ... this was not the
time to go. They were wrong.
In
an embrace of love, they calmed me by
showing me that my son, my entire family
would be okay after my death. My mother
could lean on my grandmother. It would take
time, but she would heal. My husband, hurt,
sad, and lonely would also heal and
eventually find love once again.
Death is part of the lessons we are to learn
on Earth, and my death was an important
lesson for those involved in my life. I was
shown my funeral, taught how to be near
those I loved and told I could eventually
communicate with those whose spirits were
open. I could accept this. They would be
fine.
I
was feeling lighter all the time. But wait
... my son. I couldn't leave my son! Babies
need their mommies. I needed to be his
mommy. I couldn't let go. So much patience
was shown to me - so much love.
My
guides explained that the feelings I was
having were still a connection to my human
side. Once my human-ness wore off, I would
feel light as air, utter happiness, and
extreme love.
Words do not do the feelings justice. They
worked to help me throw off my human weight.
The feelings were so great and seemed to
pull me in stronger and stronger; yet my
connection to my son was so strong.
 We
wandered in this beautiful place for what
seemed an eternity. We discussed my life, we
discussed religion, we discussed secrets of
the soul that as humans we must forget, lest
we'd never be able to thrive on Earth. All
the while I was in awe. Some things were
just as I always dreamed an afterlife would
be; some I was just plain wrong and I
remember thinking, "Wow." "Where were my
other loved ones? When could I see my other
grandparents who had passed?" In time - they
were on a different realm. When my
transition was complete I could choose to go
to other levels when I was ready.
Every now and then, thoughts of my son would
make me heavy once again. I couldn't bear
the thought of him growing up without a
mother. I was told others would be a mother
for me. First grandparents, and then they
showed me Jake's life. He was the most
beautiful boy, so happy, but with a touch of
sadness that seemed to pierce his soul. This
was his lesson to tackle. He knew coming
into this life the main lessons he was to
learn. It was meant to be. I saw a new mom
for Jake when he was about seven or eight. A
beautiful woman, kind hearted who definitely
cared for Jake, and treated him well, but
she was to have her own child with my
widowed husband and the love she showed for
her own child was different and unequal to
the love she showed for my child - her
stepchild. This isn't what I dreamed for
Jake. This couldn't be. I was happy for my
husband. He was okay. He was happy. My son
was a different story. Other lessons were
learned in the constant patient job of
transitioning me to the Other Side. I had to
let go. At times I became hysterical and
then moments later I was calm and serene.
I
saw a girl child who had been meant in
Jake's place, but before conception, plans
changed and there was a need for Jake's
spirit to take her place. There was much
upheaval that Jake could help mend [and
he did].
At a
time when I felt the closest to accepting my
death, I experienced a resurge of sorrow and
pain, longing for my son, for my life. I
couldn't let go of my human life. My guides
tried their hardest. They never gave up.
They never became discouraged. It is
unbelievable the amount of patience and love
they exuded.
Finally, my hysteria was calmed
by a higher spirit who seemed to envelop me
in love. My guides were instructed to allow
me to return. Despite their pleas to allow
them more time, they were told that at this
point, my spirit would not rest. It was best
to let me return, to settle my spirit, learn
further lessons. My pleading won my return
for the time being. I understood before my
descent that my friends and family had
lessons that were being postponed, but they
would have to learn the lessons at some
point that my death taught.
Arrangements were made for when, where, how
my spirit would return; what lessons were I
to have enriched or acquire new. Some
lessons learned in my arrival on the Other
Side would have to be forgotten, and it was
not good for my soul to know when I was
dying again or else as a human I would focus
on only that, especially as the time neared.
The
last things I remember were being taken back
to the accident site, and just before my
descent, I was told that when my children
were older it would be time to come home for
good. I accepted it immediately, but then,
wait! What qualifies as older? Does it mean
only a few years older? Teenagers? Will I
live to see them marry and have their own
children? This was a difficult aspect to
deal with immediately after the accident.
I
had a life with my son again. I had to spend
it right for I had no idea how much longer I
had left.
 I
was told I was lucky to survive. A large
utility truck ran a red light and hit the
driver's side of my tiny compact car.
Despite wearing a seatbelt, the doctors say
I would not have survived if it were not for
the airbags to open, something that is not
supposed to happen in a side impact.
The
first year after the accident was an attempt
to live the best I could, the happiest I
could. I was suffering however from severe
pain from a fractured shoulder bone, broken
ribs, and two hip fractures. I was told the
pain should disappear in six months to a
year at the worst.
Three years later, the
pain has not gone away. The second year
however seemed to be the worst. I became so
suicidal. All I wanted to do was to return
to this place, this life that was so
awesome, so love-filled, so joyous. My son,
and later my daughter were the only things
that made me go on. I was here for them.
Today, only three years later I have
accepted my return to Earth, long to return
to my afterlife home, and struggle to find
peace and happiness until my time here comes
to its final end.
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