of My Mother
mother died on November 24, 2001, in the winter
when the frozen Montana soil makes funerals and
burials impractical. So her memorial and funeral
was set for June 22, 2002. I was living in
California at the time recovering from
another bout of
bipolar disorder mania and depression after a stay in
a VA psych ward. As the day of Mom's
funeral approached, the more I realized how it
would be the most emotional experience of my
life, probably too emotional for my mental
health, perhaps leading to
another stay the psych ward. It had been several
years since I had been to my Mom's home. But she
wasn't there anymore. Her ashes were there. And
her presence would be everywhere. So I decided
to do the safe thing and stay home. Still, I was
sick to my stomach over the decision. What kind
of person doesn't go to their own mother's
funeral? Thankfully, my
father provided me a videotape of everything.
Watching my Mom's memorial and funeral on video
gave me the ability experience it while remain
emotionally removed from everything on
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My Spontaneous After-Death Communication of My Mother
days after viewing my Mom's memorial video, on July 1, 2002, I was sitting alone
in my room watching a television show which was
a modern version of Candid Camera - except they do cruel tricks on people. I watched as they
were playing mind games on an unsuspecting victim
who looked remarkably like my twin brother Steve.
I was reminded of my brother's situation and all
the pain and grief that he and his wife had been
going through. No one was suffering more over the
accident than Steve and his family. Along with their
grief over Mom, they had to deal with permanent
injuries, and lost employment - not to mention the
loss of other things that cannot be valued.
As I thought
about my brother, the mind games they were playing
on the man on TV was bringing him to tears. Seeing
this man in tears, who looked remarkably like my
brother, made me cry.
very bizarre but wonderful happened to me. I suddenly
felt what I can only describe as a large invisible
beam of energy made of pure love and happiness hit
my chest. This entire experience did not involve
any of my five senses. The beam remained focused
over my heart as it poured this powerful energy
of heavenly bliss into me. Wonderful feelings of
intense love and ecstasy such as I have never felt
before was filling and transforming my heart, mind
and soul. I sensed this beam was coming from
the sky, through the ceiling, and into my chest.
I wasn't too concerned about what it was at the
time because it felt incredibly good. As it poured
in, I grabbed my chest in ecstasy
to let as much of this beam of love and happiness
in as possible. I remember having a passing thought
of concern that this must be some kind of a gigantic
manic depressive episode I have never
experienced before. But the wonderful feelings
I was experiencing made me dismiss that thought
quickly. The strange transformational feeling I was
experiencing began slowly from around place where
the beam was entering my chest. Then it slowly spread
out from my chest to the rest of my body. I remember
thinking how it felt like a man of stone coming
to life. I remember thinking that God must be
jump-starting my heart. This wonderful and magical
feeling lasted at least a minute.
the height of this ecstasy, came the astounding
realization in my mind's eye that my mother was standing next to
me. "Oh, Mom!" I cried. Having nothing
to grab onto, I intuitively
wrapped my arms around myself and felt her hugging
Any sorrow remaining within me from losing her,
just burst right out of me. At the same time, she
filled me to overflowing with heaven which she brought
with her. Everything I wanted to say to her, since
the day she died, came out of me to her in my
mind as well.
my five senses didn't detect her, her presence around
me was so strong that I didn't need to use them.
The combination of her strong presence and love,
and the ecstatic feelings I was having, elevated
my awareness to a degree that I was using senses
reserved for hallucinations which I was well
experienced with. But this was no drug or
psychotic hallucination I have ever experienced.
Being with her again made me suddenly realize
how long I had been without her. This led to the
strange realization that, since her death, I had
been slowing forgetting about the feeling of
being around her - her presence - without even
knowing it. I realized this is how people
are able to live the rest of their lives without
their loved ones. Over time, we just naturally forget.
That momentary thought was unsettling and only her
strong presence with me took that thought immediately away.
I had the
astonishing realization of my mother knowing
from heaven I was despairing over my brother and somehow a
"door" was opened allowing her to visit and comfort me. I also understood
this became a reality because I was open to the
possibility, and would want it to happen, and
could handle it if it did happen. So she moved heaven
and earth to make it happen. I also realized it was too much for her
to bear knowing I was grieving about Steve and
his family this way. Along with her sheer force of will, the door
was opened for her to visit me from the Other Side.
I also felt her communications with us
from the Other Side was something she strongly wanted
As I basked
in her presence, tears of both joy and sorrow flowed
out of me at the same time. As she was cuddling
me, I transformed into her little boy again. I could
view my relationship with my mother from a perspective
I never knew before -- from the vantage point of
my whole life -- all at once. For the rest of that
night, I was her child. Memories and feelings I had
of my childhood flooded my heart and mind.
our communication was mostly non-verbal, I remember
moments of strongly hearing her voice in my mind.
But most of my experience with her occurred on a
conscious level too deep for me to recall. But I
do remember her telling me these words:
here. I'm here to make everything alright.
I'm still here.
understood her words to mean, although she
was in heaven, she is still here with us and aware
of what's going on. And right now, she came back
to earth to comfort me and bring heaven to me. I felt her presence
multiplied to such a degree, it felt like I was in
heaven just being with her again. And I wanted this
feeling to last forever. I wanted to be with her
forever. I wanted her to take me to heaven. But
I also knew this was physically impossible.
with heaven from her presence; and thanked God and
Mom for allowing it to happen.
this was also a goodbye -- the goodbye
I couldn't have before she died.
realized my mother allowed me to
catch a glimpse of heaven and the love awaiting
us there when we meet again.
I was not
aware of exactly how long my visitation with my
mother lasted, but my guess was about an hour
or so. And this heavenly experience didn't just end
abruptly. Everything gradually returned back to
normal until eventually I couldn't feel her presence
in the room anymore. But within me, my mother had filled
my heart and soul with tremendous happiness and
I spent the
rest of that magical night contemplating what happened.
I knew my mother visited me in an after-death
communication because I have read so much about
them. Now I have experienced what I have been reading
about all these years. This experience with my mother
made me even more interested in after-death communications.
of my own personal experience with
psychotic, and psychic (spiritual) hallucinations,
I knew the visitation experience with my mother was
a form of hallucination. As I said earlier, none
of my five senses were involved -- only my intuitive
and spiritual senses were involved -- and this is why
I view this as a form of hallucination. But
it was a spontaneous hallucination on a massive
scale and this is what makes it different than any
hallucination I have ever experienced. Hallucinations
don't happen spontaneously unless there is a
drug involved or psychosis present. My
experience was more like the
religious ecstasies I have read about; so I
don't consider them miracles either. Miracles by
definition are impossible; but I know these kind of
experiences are possible. Even if my mother had materialized
in front of me, and I could see her with my own eyes,
I would not consider it a miracle. Historical records
and recent studies into after-death
communications are filled
with such accounts of actual materializations.
For my mother's visitation to a miracle,
she would have had to leave something physical behind
-- such as her heavenly shoe or ring. Now that
would be a miracle!
didn't leave me a ring, but she left me with something
far more meaningful to me. And I found it only hours
later when I woke up the next morning.
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The Song "Moon River" and ADC Synchronicity
next morning, I awoke with wonderful thoughts and
feelings of my mother and her visit only hours ago.
I laid there in bed awhile thinking
about how all the happiness I was experiencing
might put me in danger
of becoming manic -- the other side of manic depression
marked by elevated mood. I decided
I would see my doctor just to be safe.
I then got
out of bed and turned on the television set
which is something I often do. What
happened next was far more difficult for me to believe
than my visitation with my mother just hours
What happened when I turned on the TV was practically
When I turned the
TV set on, immediately the song
began to play! Time seemed to momentarily stop as
my jaw hit the floor. I couldn't believe my ears!
By pure coincidence, I turned the TV on to a
movie that just happened to play the song Moon
River - my mother's song! This song was also sung
by my brother at my mother's memorial only nine days prior. By randomly turning the
TV set on to the song Moon River, I had just experienced the "Mother
of all Synchronistic Coincidences" -- pun
intended. And at
the time, I didn't need to do the math to know how
improbable such an event could occur
at random. Later, I calculated the odds of turning
a TV on anytime at random and hearing the song Moon
River in a movie. The odds of this happening at
random is over
6.5 million. By comparison, the odds of
being struck by lightning by pure chance is
1 in 5 million. I also
discovered that the movie appearing on the TV that
morning was called
Breakfast at Tiffany's.
The cable records are there to prove it.
Moon River began to play, I picked up my
metaphorical jaw off the floor, sat down in my
chair, and let the message of Moon River flow.
It was Henri Mancini's orchestra playing the
song and I hadn't heard this version of Moon River since
I was a child listening to it on my mother's stereo.
And it moved me to my very soul. I also knew I would
have to see my doctor after this because I knew
this was the closest thing to a miracle I have
ever experienced. And I feared mania would carry
me away - and it was pure heaven.
the song Moon River that morning meant so many
things to me. It was not just a miracle -- it
was a sign" from God. It was certainly proof to
my mind there was indeed life
after death. It was physical confirmation
validating my spiritual experience with my mother
was a physical reality. It was the biggest
coincidence -- a synchronicity -- that ever happened to me. Just
hours before, my mother visited me. Just four
days before, I watched my brother sing Moon
River on videotape. Nine days before, he sang
Moon River at our mother's memorial. Eleven
days before, my sister remembered for the first
time since childhood, Moon River
as our mother's favorite song. The
message is clear -- my mother is still alive
though she is physically dead.
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Interesting Facts About the Song Moon River
River is a beautiful song from the early 60's
which my mother identified with as a young
mother. For me, the song represents
a time of innocence for my family and for America
in general. Those were the illusionary days of Ozzie
and Harriet, Leave it to Beaver, and My Three
Sons -- before the political assassinations, the
Vietnam war, and the social upheaval came and blew
all the illusions away.
wider than a mile
you in style some day.
Oh, dream maker,
you heart breaker
I'm going your way.
off to see the world.
a lot of world to see.
the same rainbow's end,
the very first screening of of the movie Breakfast
at Tiffany's, the president of Paramount
paced around the room, puffing on a cigar,
and said, "Well, I'll tell you one
thing, you can get rid of the song."
Thankfully, Audrey Hepburn was there and
to her credit, stood up and said, "Over
my dead body."
version of Moon
River won the Academy Award in 1962
for Best Original Song.
at Tiffany's (Paramount, 1961) starred
Audrey Hepburn and George Peppard and was
directed by Blake Edwards. The screenplay
was written by George Axelrod based on a
novel by Truman Capote. The song Moon River
was sung in the movie by Audrey Hepburn.
is meant by "my huckleberry friend"
in the song Moon River? In the
Our Huckleberry Friend:
The Life, Times and Lyrics of Johnny Mercer,
it describes how Johnny and his friends
would enjoy spending the summers picking
wild huckleberries (i.e., blueberries)
by a river now known as Moon River. They
would put the huckleberries in pails and
bring them home to put in ice cream. So
this was the origin of "my huckleberry friend"
-- not about Huckleberry Finn as many
people erroneous believe. It was just Johnny as a little boy
with his friends enjoying themselves as
they picked huckleberries.
with the song Moon River
in it also includes: The Godfather, Ocean's
Eleven (2001), The Presidio, Born on
the Fourth of July, and The Brotherhood.
An excellent website is devoted to the
movie goddess Audrey Hepburn.
You can also listen
to a clip of the song "Moon River"
as performed by Henri Mancini.
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My Metaphysical Synchronicity With the Moon
close association with the moon and Moon River intrigues
me. I am a
born under the sign of
Moon children are said to be very emotional almost
to the point of being unable to control themselves which
is often true of me. My manic depressive illness
has a connection with the moon. Mental illness was
thought by the ancients to be caused by the moon
My heavenly visit with my mother occurred in July
under the sign of Cancer.
The month of November
of 2001, the month of my mother's death, was unique
in that two full moons occurred within that month.
This astronomical configuration is termed a "Blue
and it occurs once in approximately once every two
and a half years. During November 2001 the first
full moon fell in Taurus on the 1st of the month
and on the 30th of November Gemini was graced with
the second or "Blue Moon". According to
the November 2001 Blue
Moon would strongly influence the signs of Taurus,
Gemini, Scorpio and Sagittarius. My mother was born
under the sign of Taurus.
I had my astrological
birth chart created by a professional astrologer
many years ago. I asked her how fraternal twin brothers,
such as my brother and I, who were different in
personality and tastes (unlike some identical twins)
could somehow be connected to a similar birth chart.
She explained how minor differences between birth
time in minutes or hours can affect a birth chart.
She also explained how one brother's birth chart
can be interpreted using Sun-sign astrological principles
and the other using
I clearly fall under a Moon-sign interpretation.
am a male Cancer and moon child, this means the moon
also rules my relationship with my mother and other
important females in my life. This astrological
principle certainly applies to me. I also have a
sister and step-mother are moon children.
terms, the moon represents a general reflection
of what humans have been in past lives. Because
I have strong memories of some of my past life identities,
this astrological principle certainly applies to
my connection to my mother is so strong, and my
astrological connection with the moon is so
strong, and our connection with Moon River is so
strong, this may explain why my "Moon River
experience" was so strong and why Moon River had
such a positive effect on healing the grief of losing the central
component of my family, and why Moon River shows
how my connection to my mother will never be broken.
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