At the hospital,
the professor of neurosurgery reported Rene's
death to her parents and said they should be grateful
as she would have been a vegetable had she survived.
During this conversation, a young frightened nurse
came rushing into the office and blurted out, "She
is alive! She sat up and spoke!"
chastised her for interrupting them and lectured
her about how "dead bodies" can move and
But the nurse
was emphatic, "She sat up and said, 'Don't
give me any more drugs!'"
At this point,
Rene's mother took the professor by one elbow,
Rene's father by his and marched them down the
corridor to see for themselves. They found Rene
in a back corridor where she had apparently been
placed so the nurse could remove equipment prior
to her transfer to the morgue. She was found in
a deep coma and breathing - remaining that way for
a further ten days.
know when in the above events my experience
took place. I have no memory of the process
of dying or leaving my body. I was moving head
first through a dark maelstrom of what looked
like black boiling clouds, feeling that I was
being beckoned to the sides, which frightened
me. Ahead was a tiny dot of bright light which
steadily grew and brightened as I drew nearer.
I became aware that I must be dead and was concerned
for Mum and Dad and my sister, and somewhat
upset with myself as I thought, "They will
soon get over it," like it was, in passing,
just a fleeting thought as I rushed greedily
forward towards this light.
I arrived in an explosion
of glorious light into a room with insubstantial
walls, standing before a man about in his thirties,
about six feet tall, reddish brown shoulder
length hair and an incredibly neat, short beard
and mustache. He wore a simple white robe. Light
seemed to emanate from him and I felt he had
great age and wisdom. He welcomed me with great
love, tranquility, and peace
- no words. I felt, "I can sit at your
feet forever and be content," which struck
me as a strange thing to think/say/feel. I became
fascinated by the fabric of his robe, trying
to figure out how light could be woven!
beside me and directed me to look to my left,
where I was replaying my life's less complementary
moments. I relived those moments and felt not
only what I had done but also the hurt I had
caused. Some of the things I would have never
imagined could have caused pain. I was surprised
that some things I may have worried about, like
shoplifting a chocolate as a child, were not
there, whilst casual remarks which caused hurt
unknown to me at the time were counted. When
I became burdened with guilt, I was directed
to other events which gave joy to others, although
I felt unworthy. It seemed the balance was in
my favor. I received great love.
led further into the room, which became a hall.
There coming towards me was my grandfather.
He looked younger than I remembered and was
without his hare lip or cleft pallet, but undoubtedly
my grandfather. We hugged. He spoke to me and
welcomed me. I was moved to forgive him for
dying when I was 14 and making me break my promise
to become a doctor and find a cure for his heart
condition. Until that moment, I had not realized
I had been angry at him!
told me that grandma was coming soon and he
was looking forward to her arrival. I inquired
why she was coming soon as she had been traveling
from her home in Manchester to New Zealand to
Miami for continual summer for a number of years!
Granddad told me she had cancer of the bowel
and was coming soon. Granddad seemed to have
no grasp of time when I pressed for how soon.
was diagnosed three months later and died in
August. I had upset my mother by telling her
about it when I regained consciousness.]
Granddad and I had talked a while, he took me
further into the room which became a hall again.
We approached a group of people whom I started
who first welcomed me came and placed his hand
on my shoulder and turned me towards him.
He said, "You
must return. You have a task to perform."
to argue. I wanted to stay. I glanced back at
Granddad and was propelled quickly towards the
entrance. At the threshold, all became blackness,
nothing, no awareness.
from my coma slowly, over several days, half
dreamed memories of familiar voices and glimpses
of faces. The clearest moments were several
occasions where I would awake from deep sleep
to find a nurse with a syringe and refuse any
drugs. I had no idea why! I had three lots of
surgery to repair my face, skull, eye socket.
I left the hospital with pain, double vision,
anosmia, and damage to the eighth cranial nerve.
It left me with nausea and a disturbed balance.
I was for two years angry at G-d for sending
me back in such torment with a task to do with
no clues or instructions - only one thing: a
clear message I have no idea how to pass on,